Baby Talk.

Recently I've been pretty close to my thesis groupmates (yes finally, groupmates that I actually like and don't make me cry) despite them all being way older than I am. which is nice in the way that they take care of me like a little sister. Some of us were having dinner (at some damn awesome indian restaurant, but probably cost 300% of what it costs in India, I bet) a couple weeks back and comparatively, my housemate troubles are nothing compared to theirs.

One of my groupmates is currently pregnant, and is due two weeks before our thesis is. When she found out she was pregnant, her husband left her because he didn't want kids. She'd had an abortion once, because he made her do it. Miscarried twice, after both incidents he'd asked her whose child it was. Throughout their marriage of 4 years, he had always accused her of sleeping around. He didn't let her work and eventually didn't let her step out of the house because he thought she was flirting with every man outside. Didn't let her pursue her studies either. She, originally malaysian, moved to australia because of him. now she lives in a campus accommodation alone like starting at square one. Seeing her in school, you will never be able to tell she'd been crying herself to sleep about once a week. I cannot believe it took her 4 years to leave him. I cannot believe she agreed to marry him after 6 months of dating. I cannot believe a 44 year old man can be that insecure and childish.

The only guy in my group is 27 years old. has a son who is turning 1 on May 3rd. He and his girlfriend were on the verge of breaking up when she got pregnant. needless to say the relationship is not going well right now. They fight often. She threatens to leave with the kid every other day. he is not allowed to have female friends. he had to lie while he was at dinner with us. She had spent all her savings, and the child's savings on herself, doing things she liked. well, she's 23, what can one expect. My friend is an average A student. He now has to work and study at the same time. Hmm, call me a feminist but 5% of me suspects that this story is heavily biased. but then I can't help but be worried that his girlfriend will take the baby (and his money) away if they do split. Courts rule in the favor of the girl anyway. I can tell he loves his son because the first thing he did after our first consultation was to show me a photo of his son. And I think that would crush him. Some people make mistakes like this, and we ever so often say that they just deserve it. but seriously, to have to pay for this single mistake for a lifetime like this seems pretty harsh and unfair.

There's another groupmate, but she wasn't at dinner. I know she has a 15 year old daughter. she is a single mum. she just turned 31 yesterday. Do the math.

Halfway through their stories, they turned to me and asked 'are we scaring you?'. haha, honestly no, in fact, for some reason, I am excited about life now. These people are living proof that you can survive disaster, or least they are trying to cope pretty well ( i think). If any of it had happened to me, I'm not sure I am even able to stand up straight again, let alone go to class, make friends, complete assignments. I don't know how they keep it all together. Of course I hope such things don't happen to me, but also, I wonder if i have such strength. I am inspired for sure.

The pregnant girl told me, "okay, no matter what, have no fear. that's what I believe. I think that whatever you are scared of in life, that is exactly what life will throw at you. so definitely, don't be scared. "

(also of course, like what my mum said after i told her all their stories, practice safe sex or just don't sleep around pls)

it was definitely a very memorable dinner. also because we had 3 different curries and very nice chai to chat over :)