so last week, i was sitting in the midst of the crowd in the Jam Aloud, people's heads bobbing to the sounds of drums and electric guitars and the lead's screamings of indiscrimate words, and I was contemplating on life, and wondering why were you not sitting right next to me.
I was thinking of ty's expression when she heard that I wanted to go listen to the rock bands. Utter disgust. which then made me realise, why do I have friends like that? then i got round to thinking about how all my different friends. Imagine, if I was at the forum with the girls like wy, grace and juls, they would probably be the ones shopping at the bazaar, cringing at the noise and that horridly rowdy crowd. and I'd probably do the same. If i was with clara and xt, gosh, we would definitely be the groupies. not the ones just sitting there with the crowd clapping along, but the ones jumping up and down and screaming along with the band (think tj days guys, which, incidentally, made me miss you lot. sigh) then i look at audrey and steph and their girls and I wonder when will I ever be like that. girls like that, i'd say, you can only wonder what kind of lives they lead. i mean, besides the fact that i live right opposite audrey and everynight i can see her in her room through our wide open doors, but still there seems to be something more to what i see but that i'm never going to find out. And i guess i don't really want to, cos that's just going to spoil the whole mystery, wouldn't it.
But deep deep deep down inside I really wanna be the female lead vocals in the band. The girl in control of the crowd, the amazing voice, and your band supporting you. like, like, amy lee. sigh, why do i have such a high screechy voice and not one that's deep and jazzy-ish. And when will I ever have enough confidence to sing in front of a crowd? I could hardly keep my legs from going weak for god's sake.
*******
and why is it that everytime someone gets angry with me, I blame myself? and not the misunderstanding, not the fact that he was just going crazy on me without reason.
I was thinking of ty's expression when she heard that I wanted to go listen to the rock bands. Utter disgust. which then made me realise, why do I have friends like that? then i got round to thinking about how all my different friends. Imagine, if I was at the forum with the girls like wy, grace and juls, they would probably be the ones shopping at the bazaar, cringing at the noise and that horridly rowdy crowd. and I'd probably do the same. If i was with clara and xt, gosh, we would definitely be the groupies. not the ones just sitting there with the crowd clapping along, but the ones jumping up and down and screaming along with the band (think tj days guys, which, incidentally, made me miss you lot. sigh) then i look at audrey and steph and their girls and I wonder when will I ever be like that. girls like that, i'd say, you can only wonder what kind of lives they lead. i mean, besides the fact that i live right opposite audrey and everynight i can see her in her room through our wide open doors, but still there seems to be something more to what i see but that i'm never going to find out. And i guess i don't really want to, cos that's just going to spoil the whole mystery, wouldn't it.
But deep deep deep down inside I really wanna be the female lead vocals in the band. The girl in control of the crowd, the amazing voice, and your band supporting you. like, like, amy lee. sigh, why do i have such a high screechy voice and not one that's deep and jazzy-ish. And when will I ever have enough confidence to sing in front of a crowd? I could hardly keep my legs from going weak for god's sake.
*******
and why is it that everytime someone gets angry with me, I blame myself? and not the misunderstanding, not the fact that he was just going crazy on me without reason.
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