Yellow Brick Road.
It was perfect, the way hall/school life ended. With expeditions and all the backpacking.
Expeditions,
something I honestly don't think I would have gotten in if mayyin wasn't the head, and me having gone to cambodia before and all. Things were, different, compared to two years ago. I came back thinking that I could find that piece of mind, that simple secret to happiness that I'd found but forgotten when I went to cambodia two years ago. But somehow this trip opened my eyes a little bit wider; they're not happy after all. I see the tiniest of cracks behind those smiles they keep flashing at us, and only at us because we're visitors. I felt helpless two years ago because I felt they didn't really need our help, now I feel helpless because I truly am unable to help them. Our presence changed their lives for sure, I can tell from how grateful they were towards us, but until now I don't know know it was changed. I could accept the given explanation that we gave them hope, and love and made them feel like they haven't been abandoned, but I'm just not feeling it. I feel selfish, we learn so much more. With no simple secret to happiness, what I learnt about life this time is summarized by one simple line by the senior guys: 'life is tough, suck it'. I went to the padifields alone one day, thinking that maybe I could sort out my thoughts, but then I realised something while I was there; there was nothing to think about at all. It felt as though life was okay, felt as though everything was going to be fine. I felt...reasurred, fine, protected. I hope I can remember that feeling.
something I disagree with some of the members in the team, friendships you build within expeditions shouldn't have been the aim/focus of their trip. I mean, of course great if you form some really strong bonds during expeditions, but it should be something that happens to happen as you work together for the village, not something you aim to do night after night of circle of trusts and gossiping. I admit I remained sorta remained aloof during the trip, partly because of this reason, another reason was that because I was graduating. I just saw no point in trying to make last minute friends, or build last minute impressions. Things would be different if I was a year two though (oh how I wish I still was, haha), I would have talked so much more to people, and really, I would have done much more work. But honestly (sorry yin), I knew I didn't care as much as I should have, but I don't really regret it either. But I'm glad I was there and part of everything, still.
No man's land.
Border crossing was always fun. like I'm gonna have a heart attack kind of fun. because it's so messy sometimes you wonder if you're going to survive to reach the other side. cambodia-thailand border was the worst, really. and it was just me and Bella. I'm glad we survived it all. I was so appreciative of the malaysia-singapore border by the time I got there. appreciative of the air-con, the order, the speed, and the higher probability that your bus (that you have so totally paid for) is still there waiting for you after you're done with customs.
Bangkok.
I don't know why I havent gone back there sooner. And I don't know why I am still buying clothes in Singapore. bangkok, should be a place, that I would save up and go back every 2 years so I can change my entire wardrobe. And my wardrobe will be kazillion times more awesome than the average singaporean's, and ten times cheaper. Me and Bella found ourselves frowning at every other guy/girl (we'd never know) trying to figure out his/her gender. Why is it so, for a lack of a better word, rampant in this country and only in this country? what is it, is there something in their tom yum soup? someone should really be doing some culture studies on this place. anyways, it was FUN. mainly because we cut ourselves from the bigger group I guess. there's just so much more freedom, and less opinions to consider. and because we were both girls everything just kinda centered around the shopping. pat phong; how the hell did that concept ever came about in the first place. it's not sexually appealing, its not healthy, it sure isn't dignified, and it. is. not. funny. guys. I see emptiness in the eyes of those girls, and really, I felt like going onstage and shake them out of this nonsense they're doing. The audience laugh AT them, they're merely objects of ridicule, worse off than circus clowns. But seriously all I could think about was how could have possibly gone wrong in their pathetic lives that would make them do this. No kidding, I would rather have them kill themselves. The part about getting extorted for money was interesting though. makes me realise I'm really secretly an angsty person. I could have walked away, but I prefer a fight. I would still come back to Bangkok nontheless. for siam square, for the IMAX, for the tom yum soup, for the chicken wings, for the clubbing provided that we do not get bounced.
Laos.
was nothing I expected. Actually I expected nothing, because I didn't know what to expect at all. And it surprised me in many pleasant ways :) Mountains, Gandalf. Mountains. I was so glad to be surrounded by them. vang vieng was a really interesting place. the guidebook was right in saying that it resembles the las vegas desert. not that I have been to las vegas before, but the image I had in my head from reading that phrase was exactly what vang vieng looks like. how do I put this, sparse but still touristy? something like that. hmm the birthday celebrations at jaidee's was nice, but nothing could top the group singing happy birthday to me as we floated down the river on our rubber tubes with the mountains as the backdrop. Now only if my happy shake really worked, then that day would have been complete. now it's just 40000kip wasted. the van out of vangvieng was the best ride of the trip i must say. besides the whole part about me flinging about in my seat, once I got pretty settled and used to it, I got to enjoy the awesome view of mountains after mountains, a sunset, and then a night sky full of stars after that. Luang Pabang was hmm, boring. The waterfall has no water, have you ever heard of that! I can't believe everything closes so early, I heard there's a curfew thing going on. I loved it when everyone was squeezed into our room, with tons of good food bought back (chicken wings!), a few of them tipsy so it always provided good entertainment, all of us watching shrek 3 on tv. it's simple things like that that get me, i tell ya. I'm always more about the company than the place. unless the place is really really awesome (like Switzerland) then I'd forgo the company. ventiane was all about the company too, where we made a new friend! pretty nice :) this time everyone were in our room watching Baby Mama because only our room had aircon. I couldn't sleep at all that night, I hated that room. I didn't feel comfortable in it at all (for reasons I don't want to explore), but bella sleep soundly as usual.
KL
was just KL. felt like I have seen whatever I needed to see the last time I was there. Zouk KL was another different experience, at least they had a dance floor this time. the crowd was soo old! I was almost so sure that I would see my dad there. Music was still so much better than singapore. I'm so glad no one was gone, and I didnt have to sit at the staircase for an hour or sleep in a room with puke in it. Glad I shared a bed actually, I didn't really feel comfortable in that room either. yikes.
Food.
the food everywhere was great. I attribute it to the large amounts of oil and msg. was kinda missing some foods back in singapore, like the ban mian! but I just had it, and i realised it is NOTHING compared to what I have been eating overseas. what I've been having in Singapore is crap. yay to dirty, untrusted street food!
People.
In some aspects it was good traveling with people I'm not that close to, because then everything's so much easier. there's no complications, conversation's easy, everything's just kept light and simple and fun. Maybe also because it was a bunch of guys, but I guess that's what traveling needs. It would have been more intense with yin, juls and all, but then that means I won't be able to stand back and think for myself a little bit more. but then again I just know O wouldn't be able to take it if bella weren't there like a buffer. so yeah, it wasn't as scary as I thought it would be :)
a few days before the trip ended, I would have dreaded coming home to a whole new chapter of my life. I even had a nightmare about it when I was in Laos. But by the time I was in KL, I knew I was ready. Ready to start.
It was perfect, the way hall/school life ended. With expeditions and all the backpacking.
Expeditions,
something I honestly don't think I would have gotten in if mayyin wasn't the head, and me having gone to cambodia before and all. Things were, different, compared to two years ago. I came back thinking that I could find that piece of mind, that simple secret to happiness that I'd found but forgotten when I went to cambodia two years ago. But somehow this trip opened my eyes a little bit wider; they're not happy after all. I see the tiniest of cracks behind those smiles they keep flashing at us, and only at us because we're visitors. I felt helpless two years ago because I felt they didn't really need our help, now I feel helpless because I truly am unable to help them. Our presence changed their lives for sure, I can tell from how grateful they were towards us, but until now I don't know know it was changed. I could accept the given explanation that we gave them hope, and love and made them feel like they haven't been abandoned, but I'm just not feeling it. I feel selfish, we learn so much more. With no simple secret to happiness, what I learnt about life this time is summarized by one simple line by the senior guys: 'life is tough, suck it'. I went to the padifields alone one day, thinking that maybe I could sort out my thoughts, but then I realised something while I was there; there was nothing to think about at all. It felt as though life was okay, felt as though everything was going to be fine. I felt...reasurred, fine, protected. I hope I can remember that feeling.
something I disagree with some of the members in the team, friendships you build within expeditions shouldn't have been the aim/focus of their trip. I mean, of course great if you form some really strong bonds during expeditions, but it should be something that happens to happen as you work together for the village, not something you aim to do night after night of circle of trusts and gossiping. I admit I remained sorta remained aloof during the trip, partly because of this reason, another reason was that because I was graduating. I just saw no point in trying to make last minute friends, or build last minute impressions. Things would be different if I was a year two though (oh how I wish I still was, haha), I would have talked so much more to people, and really, I would have done much more work. But honestly (sorry yin), I knew I didn't care as much as I should have, but I don't really regret it either. But I'm glad I was there and part of everything, still.
No man's land.
Border crossing was always fun. like I'm gonna have a heart attack kind of fun. because it's so messy sometimes you wonder if you're going to survive to reach the other side. cambodia-thailand border was the worst, really. and it was just me and Bella. I'm glad we survived it all. I was so appreciative of the malaysia-singapore border by the time I got there. appreciative of the air-con, the order, the speed, and the higher probability that your bus (that you have so totally paid for) is still there waiting for you after you're done with customs.
Bangkok.
I don't know why I havent gone back there sooner. And I don't know why I am still buying clothes in Singapore. bangkok, should be a place, that I would save up and go back every 2 years so I can change my entire wardrobe. And my wardrobe will be kazillion times more awesome than the average singaporean's, and ten times cheaper. Me and Bella found ourselves frowning at every other guy/girl (we'd never know) trying to figure out his/her gender. Why is it so, for a lack of a better word, rampant in this country and only in this country? what is it, is there something in their tom yum soup? someone should really be doing some culture studies on this place. anyways, it was FUN. mainly because we cut ourselves from the bigger group I guess. there's just so much more freedom, and less opinions to consider. and because we were both girls everything just kinda centered around the shopping. pat phong; how the hell did that concept ever came about in the first place. it's not sexually appealing, its not healthy, it sure isn't dignified, and it. is. not. funny. guys. I see emptiness in the eyes of those girls, and really, I felt like going onstage and shake them out of this nonsense they're doing. The audience laugh AT them, they're merely objects of ridicule, worse off than circus clowns. But seriously all I could think about was how could have possibly gone wrong in their pathetic lives that would make them do this. No kidding, I would rather have them kill themselves. The part about getting extorted for money was interesting though. makes me realise I'm really secretly an angsty person. I could have walked away, but I prefer a fight. I would still come back to Bangkok nontheless. for siam square, for the IMAX, for the tom yum soup, for the chicken wings, for the clubbing provided that we do not get bounced.
Laos.
was nothing I expected. Actually I expected nothing, because I didn't know what to expect at all. And it surprised me in many pleasant ways :) Mountains, Gandalf. Mountains. I was so glad to be surrounded by them. vang vieng was a really interesting place. the guidebook was right in saying that it resembles the las vegas desert. not that I have been to las vegas before, but the image I had in my head from reading that phrase was exactly what vang vieng looks like. how do I put this, sparse but still touristy? something like that. hmm the birthday celebrations at jaidee's was nice, but nothing could top the group singing happy birthday to me as we floated down the river on our rubber tubes with the mountains as the backdrop. Now only if my happy shake really worked, then that day would have been complete. now it's just 40000kip wasted. the van out of vangvieng was the best ride of the trip i must say. besides the whole part about me flinging about in my seat, once I got pretty settled and used to it, I got to enjoy the awesome view of mountains after mountains, a sunset, and then a night sky full of stars after that. Luang Pabang was hmm, boring. The waterfall has no water, have you ever heard of that! I can't believe everything closes so early, I heard there's a curfew thing going on. I loved it when everyone was squeezed into our room, with tons of good food bought back (chicken wings!), a few of them tipsy so it always provided good entertainment, all of us watching shrek 3 on tv. it's simple things like that that get me, i tell ya. I'm always more about the company than the place. unless the place is really really awesome (like Switzerland) then I'd forgo the company. ventiane was all about the company too, where we made a new friend! pretty nice :) this time everyone were in our room watching Baby Mama because only our room had aircon. I couldn't sleep at all that night, I hated that room. I didn't feel comfortable in it at all (for reasons I don't want to explore), but bella sleep soundly as usual.
KL
was just KL. felt like I have seen whatever I needed to see the last time I was there. Zouk KL was another different experience, at least they had a dance floor this time. the crowd was soo old! I was almost so sure that I would see my dad there. Music was still so much better than singapore. I'm so glad no one was gone, and I didnt have to sit at the staircase for an hour or sleep in a room with puke in it. Glad I shared a bed actually, I didn't really feel comfortable in that room either. yikes.
Food.
the food everywhere was great. I attribute it to the large amounts of oil and msg. was kinda missing some foods back in singapore, like the ban mian! but I just had it, and i realised it is NOTHING compared to what I have been eating overseas. what I've been having in Singapore is crap. yay to dirty, untrusted street food!
People.
In some aspects it was good traveling with people I'm not that close to, because then everything's so much easier. there's no complications, conversation's easy, everything's just kept light and simple and fun. Maybe also because it was a bunch of guys, but I guess that's what traveling needs. It would have been more intense with yin, juls and all, but then that means I won't be able to stand back and think for myself a little bit more. but then again I just know O wouldn't be able to take it if bella weren't there like a buffer. so yeah, it wasn't as scary as I thought it would be :)
a few days before the trip ended, I would have dreaded coming home to a whole new chapter of my life. I even had a nightmare about it when I was in Laos. But by the time I was in KL, I knew I was ready. Ready to start.
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