the whole day was pretty boring, till it got dark and we got crazy. the first half of the carnival was hard work, sweat, frustration, annoyance( i think it was the weather) and insecurity( all thanks to xiting's horrible uniform she lent me to wear). the idea of wearing our secondary sch uniform was cool though, made me realise that we are still divided, our loyalties remain with the sec sch, no matter how much we hate to admit it. our orientation last yr was definitely a failure. the better part of the carnival was when we sat around the cosy toasters with warm food and talked crap. well, for most of us the free food that was going around was the reason why the evening was more enjoyable. I think we bonded at least a little.

then i headed to my god-mum's home for the annual pre-chinese new yr visit where the adults exchange tons of pre-chinese new yr gifts, the children watch tv, and i get a large pre-chinese new yr ang pao shoved into my hands. I never fail to feel guilty because i know the money is not well-deserved at all. I hardly think of them all year but they still beam brightly when they get to see me twice a year every new yr celebrations. I never call, I hardly spoke. I don't even know what to say to them anymore. But it feels too weird to re-start bonding now. They looked after me in my primary school years as both my parents worked, but I only remember a little. how then, to make amends before its too late?
She introduced me as her daughter to the new neighbour's kids today. they must have moved in sometime between last yr's chinese new yr and this yr's.