When I woke up this morning I just knew that the day was just going to be wrong. So many signs pointed to it, how could I not see?

Listening to morning madness on the way to school, Dan was talking about the idea of 'living today as if it were your last day'. Somehow this phrase got stuck in my head, only in the evening I found some relevance to it.

And I got caught ponning, I thought that was the bad thing that was to happen. Then Fadilah seemed pissed cos it's partly my fault that she ponned and got caught too. I thought that was the end of a bad day, couldn't really get worse, right? I went home, thinking that nothing else would go wrong if I just keep myself at home. Well, bad news would follow you wherever you go.

Took me two seconds for the info to sink in. then I cried.

I arrived in time to watch the men carry his body out of the house. Human beings are not meant to be carried around like that! They should be happy moving people!

They cleared out his bed and cleaned the enitre room. the next time I peered into the room, it was just one big empty space.

While mostly everyone mostly stoned and wept from time to time, my dad had to keep it all together. He couldn't cry, can't break down, the family was counting on him to make all the arrangements.

Guess in situations like this actually bonds people. sad, but true. This day my grandma showed some regonition for my mum, the daughter-in-law of her son. My mum is convinced she hates her to the core.

Everyone, daughters, grandchilren, sons, people, took turns to hold my grandma's hand as she sits in her white plastic beach chair like a throne and she watches her subjects work.

Firstly, I cried because I thought of his sunken face from the past few days.
Then, I cried because I saw my grandma sitting there, alone.
Then, I cried because I didn't make the effort to get to know when I could. what sort of a granddaughter am I?
Then again because my bro and I had stayed in the car while only my parents when to visit the night before. the guilt.
Then I cried for death generally.
Then I cried for many reasons I can't remember anymore.
I was the only teenage grandchild who cried so much. haha, guess I'm still too sensitive.(huiyi, rem a few years back?) Maybe I think too much.

and someday it would bring me back to you
This line was stuck in my head the entire day, though I din't hear this song all day. There must be some meaning to this.

On the cab ride home, everything outside was...normal. Painfully normal. How can that be? back home, that idiot form the next block is still practising his trumpet. You would think that when you die, you would want a storm or something big. but life just goes on.