Thursday, February 12, 2009

Braver.

I always looked up to my grandmother as a symbol of strength and support. She was someone I hope I'd be like when I'm old. When we were young, she was always seen drinking and smoking, telling my mum to relax because my mum would always be complaining about her work, her kids (us), basically everything. And my grandmother seems to be the one who has life all figured out, and approaches things with such optimism and well, knows how to let things be. She doesn't like help nor pity, despite having suffered through several strokes and kept on life as per normal. When she was in the hospital recently, when everyone was worried sick, she was the one on the hospital bed talking casually about what coffin she wants, how she doesn't mind any funeral because it doesnt matter to the dead but matters more to her children, talking about how sad she felt for the other old woman lying on the next bed.

She'd been through a lot during her lifetime I think. My grandfather used to own a branch of nightclubs and she was the nightclub singer. My grandfather often joined her and I think they had a concert tour of singapore before. It wasn't as romantic as it seems because he often cheated (you know, being in this business), and he was an alcoholic. He often came home late, drunk, and angry because he had lost money at gambling. My grandmother had to hide all the children and let him hit her instead. It was quite a frequent affair apparently. And he was often in debt, so he'd take my mother's and uncles' money. I heard he made my uncle (who was a teenager then) go meet the loansharks in his place. I guess thats why she sent my mum to live with her cousins (who turn out to be the aunts I'm closest to now). She stood by him anyway, although his business fell and until he died of a brain tumor. I was too young to remember him. But to survive a life like that, and remain positive throughout it must have taken a lot of strength on my grnadmother's part. And she has my fullest respect for it.

But now she only has a few days left.
You'd be mistaken that a person like that will never go through death.
It is so unfair.
I guess you can cheat life, but you can never cheat death.

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