My tutor was telling how the many bi-s there are in uni. you know, the kind that like both sexes. well, especially in the artistically or musically inclined ones. He gave an example of how his gal pal got dumped by her bf for 4 years and the reason was tt he can't forget the guy. That's sort of true, look at the guys in the arts stream now, not really normal huh. Which makes me think that I'm just gonna be surrounded by theis sort of guys forever...ah!! dangerous sia.

why do I always hand people the knife to stab me in the back?


Zixin must be cursing me now for the wrong things I always see =]

Cry , the beloved country, for the unborn child that is the inheritor of our fear. Let him not love the earth too deeply. Let him laugh not too gladly when the water runs through his fingers, nor stand too silent when the setting sun makes red the veld with fire. Let him not be too moved when the birds of his land are singing, nor give too much of his heart to a mountain or a valley. For fear will rob him of all if he gives too much.

I'm peeling badly after my tan, back to square one. maybe I should just accept my fate of being white and pale. eww.
Clara is a bimbo, oh yeah!!

today was just wrong

firstly, Mrs Beetsma chased me out of class. tt b****
I dropped my pencil box and everything was just-everywhere.
then, Ms Wong cancelled chem remedial, wasted my time
I managed to insult myself once again. Great.
My eyesight got worse trying to read Sam's math answer on the board.
I am not homophobic!!
I told someone a secret I shouldn't have told. oops...I thought she knew!
I took the wrong bus.
I pressed the bell too late for the bus to turn into the bus stop and so I ended up getting off the bus in the middle of the road.
I said 'shit' loudly and some middle aged dude was shaking his head at me. Shit.
The correct bus I got on was bloody packed and I managed to block everyone's way with my super power turtle shell bag.
Got too excited and asked the guy working at coffee bean if it was fun working there. He looked very shocked.
just realised that my friend has a hole in his lung when everyone else knew it a million years ago. what kind of friend am I ?!

yet I remain optimistic :]
The book says we have to learn to laugh at ourselves. ha.

this should do it. not totally done yet though.

motivated. again. yes.

I've got my self-help book. I've got the family pressure. My mum:"your brother didn't even go out on weekdays in his JC years!"I've got the inspirations. The exact words of my cousin, "You should start to stop having a life if you want to get good grades." She got ABB by the way. not to mention I have 4 A level subs.

"I'm giving you until Valentines' Day to finish slacking" -mum

fine. hope this time the stress lasts. all the way, man! Chiong!!

haha this should do it. but its not all done yet.

it's official. I'm the Queen bitch. this title was conferred to all Geminis by the Zodiac book. should I cry or should I celebrate. go flip through the bk in kino, it's called the 'darkside zodiac'. yup.

Happy chinese New Year by the way.

the whole day was pretty boring, till it got dark and we got crazy. the first half of the carnival was hard work, sweat, frustration, annoyance( i think it was the weather) and insecurity( all thanks to xiting's horrible uniform she lent me to wear). the idea of wearing our secondary sch uniform was cool though, made me realise that we are still divided, our loyalties remain with the sec sch, no matter how much we hate to admit it. our orientation last yr was definitely a failure. the better part of the carnival was when we sat around the cosy toasters with warm food and talked crap. well, for most of us the free food that was going around was the reason why the evening was more enjoyable. I think we bonded at least a little.

then i headed to my god-mum's home for the annual pre-chinese new yr visit where the adults exchange tons of pre-chinese new yr gifts, the children watch tv, and i get a large pre-chinese new yr ang pao shoved into my hands. I never fail to feel guilty because i know the money is not well-deserved at all. I hardly think of them all year but they still beam brightly when they get to see me twice a year every new yr celebrations. I never call, I hardly spoke. I don't even know what to say to them anymore. But it feels too weird to re-start bonding now. They looked after me in my primary school years as both my parents worked, but I only remember a little. how then, to make amends before its too late?
She introduced me as her daughter to the new neighbour's kids today. they must have moved in sometime between last yr's chinese new yr and this yr's.