Leave a light on.

well mambo sucked. music was terrible, we spent half the time looking for other people, waiting for people, and erm drinking. But it was the drunkest I'd ever been without puking I think, was telling June I'm seeing three of the same person instead of the usual two. ha.

omg ask me about the boy with the magic tricks.

We all saw a rainbow over D block today. It's been some time since I saw anything in the singapore sky besides the bright bright sun. But it was a nice feeling, feels like I'm a child again, looking for rainbow's ends and whatnots. Well all the best for Sixology and have fun to all in hongkong!

Bloc Party.

I realise something. funeral wakes are like throwing a going-away party after the person has left. and is as pointless as one. If you want to do something meaningful, do it before the person leaves. This time, this funeral has left me all cynical and jaded about life. And I am so tired.

I think I know why Slyvia Plath put her head in the oven.
I think I know why those in Depression remain inconsolable.
They see the world as how it really is, no longer disillusioned.
As for me, I forget things.

It's like we're all in a real-life The Sims computer game that God is playing, and it's high time He realises the game is going way off from what He planned and presses reset.

I'm tired.
But I forget things.

wow, that one really hurt.

You complete me.

I love being around people who make me want to become a better person, to inspire me to change, to make me see the world in a different light. So sometimes I don't really believe that people who are similar should be together, but people whose differences should complement all that each other is lacking and yet still love the person exactly the way he/she is.

awww.

Braver.

I always looked up to my grandmother as a symbol of strength and support. She was someone I hope I'd be like when I'm old. When we were young, she was always seen drinking and smoking, telling my mum to relax because my mum would always be complaining about her work, her kids (us), basically everything. And my grandmother seems to be the one who has life all figured out, and approaches things with such optimism and well, knows how to let things be. She doesn't like help nor pity, despite having suffered through several strokes and kept on life as per normal. When she was in the hospital recently, when everyone was worried sick, she was the one on the hospital bed talking casually about what coffin she wants, how she doesn't mind any funeral because it doesnt matter to the dead but matters more to her children, talking about how sad she felt for the other old woman lying on the next bed.

She'd been through a lot during her lifetime I think. My grandfather used to own a branch of nightclubs and she was the nightclub singer. My grandfather often joined her and I think they had a concert tour of singapore before. It wasn't as romantic as it seems because he often cheated (you know, being in this business), and he was an alcoholic. He often came home late, drunk, and angry because he had lost money at gambling. My grandmother had to hide all the children and let him hit her instead. It was quite a frequent affair apparently. And he was often in debt, so he'd take my mother's and uncles' money. I heard he made my uncle (who was a teenager then) go meet the loansharks in his place. I guess thats why she sent my mum to live with her cousins (who turn out to be the aunts I'm closest to now). She stood by him anyway, although his business fell and until he died of a brain tumor. I was too young to remember him. But to survive a life like that, and remain positive throughout it must have taken a lot of strength on my grnadmother's part. And she has my fullest respect for it.

But now she only has a few days left.
You'd be mistaken that a person like that will never go through death.
It is so unfair.
I guess you can cheat life, but you can never cheat death.

Steve Earle - Valentines' Day

I come to you with empty hands
I guess i just forgot again
I only got my love to send
On valentine's day

I ain't got a card to sign
Roses have been hard to find
I only hope that you'll be mine
On valentine's day

I know that i swore that i wouldn't forget
I wrote it all down; i lost it i guess
There's so much i want to say
But all the words just slip away
The way you love me every day
Is valentine's day

If i could i would deliver to you
Diamonds and gold; it's the least i can do
So if you'll take my IOU I could make it up to you
Until then i hope my heart will do
For valentine's day

Notes from Pysch

Agoraphobia is an anxiety disorder, often precipitated by the fear of having a panic attack in a setting from which there is no easy means of escape. As a result, sufferers of agoraphobia may avoid public and/or unfamiliar places. In severe cases, the sufferer may become confined to his or her home, experiencing difficulty traveling from this "safe place."

Our Abnormal psychology lecturer then tells us how, for most patients suffering from agoraphobia, they have one person that they can go out with. Only when they're with the one person, they feel safe enough to visit public places. This one person they feel understands them enough, and whom they trust enough. This one person is usually their spouse, or a family member.

All I could think was: THIS IS HOW SWEET LAH.
But then again how sad would it be if this one person leaves them.
And then I thought about how perfect this is for a movie plot haha.

don't you just love psych :D

You say it best,

It was nice, post-Chingay, the few of us sitting in the lounge, some of us still in the scary make-up with tons of macs ordered and some friends from d4 over. I don't get much chances like this anymore, to sit around comfortably with a group of friends, with no worry of conversation stalling (but conversation flows fine anyway), of no one trying to be in control of the social scene (because we were all dead tired), of all of us just laughing at anything, not afraid of looking/sounding stupid, and just BE. The fun, happy times like Chingay makes me feel like I'm on the top of the world, but chilling out like that makes me feel so peaceful, contented and just fine with everything else in my life. I tend to ramble exceptionally a lot of nonsense sometimes when I'm all nervous and unsettled. other times, I just have a lot to say haha. I realise it takes me a while to truly feel comfortable with people. People you can just sit in silence together with, and you don't feel any pressure to say anything, to try so hard, to HAVE to say something funny or impressive. That's why I could just sit there although you were too distracted to entertain me.

I miss you already.