When I woke up this morning I just knew that the day was just going to be wrong. So many signs pointed to it, how could I not see?

Listening to morning madness on the way to school, Dan was talking about the idea of 'living today as if it were your last day'. Somehow this phrase got stuck in my head, only in the evening I found some relevance to it.

And I got caught ponning, I thought that was the bad thing that was to happen. Then Fadilah seemed pissed cos it's partly my fault that she ponned and got caught too. I thought that was the end of a bad day, couldn't really get worse, right? I went home, thinking that nothing else would go wrong if I just keep myself at home. Well, bad news would follow you wherever you go.

Took me two seconds for the info to sink in. then I cried.

I arrived in time to watch the men carry his body out of the house. Human beings are not meant to be carried around like that! They should be happy moving people!

They cleared out his bed and cleaned the enitre room. the next time I peered into the room, it was just one big empty space.

While mostly everyone mostly stoned and wept from time to time, my dad had to keep it all together. He couldn't cry, can't break down, the family was counting on him to make all the arrangements.

Guess in situations like this actually bonds people. sad, but true. This day my grandma showed some regonition for my mum, the daughter-in-law of her son. My mum is convinced she hates her to the core.

Everyone, daughters, grandchilren, sons, people, took turns to hold my grandma's hand as she sits in her white plastic beach chair like a throne and she watches her subjects work.

Firstly, I cried because I thought of his sunken face from the past few days.
Then, I cried because I saw my grandma sitting there, alone.
Then, I cried because I didn't make the effort to get to know when I could. what sort of a granddaughter am I?
Then again because my bro and I had stayed in the car while only my parents when to visit the night before. the guilt.
Then I cried for death generally.
Then I cried for many reasons I can't remember anymore.
I was the only teenage grandchild who cried so much. haha, guess I'm still too sensitive.(huiyi, rem a few years back?) Maybe I think too much.

and someday it would bring me back to you
This line was stuck in my head the entire day, though I din't hear this song all day. There must be some meaning to this.

On the cab ride home, everything outside was...normal. Painfully normal. How can that be? back home, that idiot form the next block is still practising his trumpet. You would think that when you die, you would want a storm or something big. but life just goes on.

isn't it scary how some singers seem to have figured out life when you're listening to their songs?
like Rob Thomas or Jewel or beyonce...lets just hope they write their own songs.

Been livin' on chicken wings.

discovered one method to stay awake- excercise.

Past few days I have been trying to think of something to post about and now i have. My psychotic dad, comes home, screaming at everyone just because my brother hasnt gotten ready to get his ass out to take his bloody driving test. What has all this got to do with me, I may ask? No, nobody cares, just scream at everyone, switch off everytthing. no TV no computer. As you can tell I didn't give a shit. But he has to keep screaming. At me particularly cos my brother just happily went to the bathroom to bathe. But my dad just goes on and on not giviong a shit about what I think when it's bloody hell none of my business. The hell did I do?!?!?!?!?!/!!1

FUCK

In celebration of your victory in the battle against illness.

not really. more like defeat. under the doctor's instructions for his children to let my grandfather do whatever he wants to. hence, this dinner (probably the last) where everyone shall gather, even those grown-up cousins that we hardly see anymore. we managed to only fill 3 tables, i'm sure there's more. One really do shrink when suffering from cancer, like i read: In her face every bit of skull visible where the flesh ahd gone, leaving only the clear outlines of the understructure, the yawning Os of the eye sockets, the sharp peaks of the cheekbones, the hinge of jaw, from which all the padding had disappeared. She pulled me closer and I could feelher body like sticks in a bag, the slightness of her now, her ribs like some fragile musical instrument beneath my hands. It's really painful to see, he was so small and tiny and you'd think any movement would break him. My dad and uncle did get him to the so-called resturant in one piece anyway, only to see him complaining to leave halfway through the course. Family dinners are indeed painful affairs, especially those which has become meaningless. everyone stares into air, quiet, the children have less pain, staring at the tv. everyone dying for the next dish to come so that at least they could talk about the food. The card displayed on the table ' in celebration of your victory in the battle against illnesses ' was kept after he left for home, my aunt's effort to write that herself wasted. Looking at my grandfather, I think no one working there or eating there would have fell for it anyway.

woke up with a hangover this morning. the first thought was headache. what did I do last night again? and five seconds later, oh, temasek idol.

the butt still hurts.

went for my last drums lesson. was early, and so I had to chat with the eccentric adminisrator again. he's crazy. Get used to it, it's hougang. I had an audience during my lesson anyway, some kid who had a lesson before mine. wahahahaha, feels like an expert. then, my teacher wanted me to go jamming with his people next time. apparantly not becasue I'm good, but becaue he wanted to give me more exposure. chey!

rushed off to the other end of Sinagpore to join everyone else at the nus open house. the talks were useless, Fad got lost, the food was actually not very clean, met a lot of people i knew, embarrassed ourselves throughrougly, and saw raz! sho happy...ha

went to city hall to eat, ended up having to go to the CO concert in the end at vch. remembering the times when I was backstage instead of in front of the stage. the terrible two changing rooms only! It was good bonding session, and chong wu's sister is sooo cute!

Why do people discriminate against races? It doesn't matter if we're white, blue, black, yellow, green, brown, red or purple. We all taste the same anyway.

and so it's B4 for my chinese. Not bad...seriously. thanks to jesslyn who peeped at all our scores as she asked to check hers first. thoughtful.

didn't see bucket, didn't see tom yam. not even toaster (clara did though, she's delighted). not even any of my seniors.

I learnt today not to gossip about people because when they find out it, they really keep thinking about it and it just spoils their day. Luckily chong wu didn't get mad and strangle me. But it's not like I can stop myself so I'll just have to gossip more discreetly.

some dude kept repeating to me on the bus tt we only have 6 months to prelims. oh well, thanks a lot man. i'm still freaking out. don't know if that's a good thing or not. should be. I need the stress.

2 malay kids was seen singing the national anthem loudly in the middle of bedok interchange. national propaganda has worked! Unless, these two kids had felt that the national anthem was a laughable thing and felt that it has no importance at all, then national propanganda has not worked. the latter is more likely.

Sinagpore's education system is a piece of crap. I believe everyone got tt stupid blue booklet explaining the new system. It doesn't make sense, if our kids' chinese is so bad, how would making the syllabus easier going to improve the standard? wth.

The myth 'time organisation' (the one everyone talks about but never really seen it work) is true. My homework is all done, I can watch american idol all night and I can still go to sleep at 11. Not bad. However, I strongly believe that this will fade into yet another myth for me later.

I predict that clara can star in the upcoming movie, titled: 'Supersize me, the trilogy: KFC, BK and LJS' wahahahaha...