Memento: I will only remember the good things.

A distortion of reality.

(The following content might fool you.)

I wish I could bake a cake full of rainbows and smiles, and then stuff a slice down everyone's throat. srsly

oh but those cupcakes they were selling along the pathway from the library to as1 were so damn pretty and cute, you'd think they're really made from rainbows and smiles :)) Now I feel like having cake, maybe I should bake. But I can't do cakes, so maybe I should buy one. hmmmmmm.


And I absolutely love this photo. We took really long to pose for it properly. Feels like we're starring in our own production. heh :D emo fairies forever!

























anyway Denise is insane. and I'm saying this with love.

something resembling says:
if it makes u laugh i fainted on the MRT

something resembling says:
and some GOONDU pressed the STOP button

something resembling says:
when i came round i was like, "what were u going to do, throw me off the rails?"

<3

When I ruled the world.

I think there's nothing in this world that can make me feel the same way DP makes me feel. it's this entire range of emotions you feel all at once and at the end of the show you cry but you won't even know if its tears of happiness, sadnesss or exhaustion. maybe all. It's when you feel like all of those months of bruises and sweat and late nights were worth it. When we get on stage all we can think about is just give it our all and like jac said, once we actually see the audience, we naturally put our performance faces on and bask in the bright lights and attention :p Peharps that's one thing I've learnt in Eusoff. DP makes me feel so damn proud of all my friends because everyone is just so so amazing and capable. And really, when you dance, you do your best for the ones dancing beside you, you do it for your choreos, the actors, the producers, the people who bought you bubble tea and ice-cream puffs. haha. before Betty's dance, while waiting backstage and watching the actors, I kept telling myself to do it for Bao, because he's so great on stage, how can we bear to screw up his dance? Do it for Betty too, of course, how can you not?

But I guess I wasn't too happy about the dances I'm in this year. One was because of the choreo, the other because of the dancers. but it all doesnt matter at the end, as long as people like the show lah. (I know some didnt) Soso, like DP always is, new friendships are formed, new enemies made, and new scandals are abound. People grow closer, people drift further. I'm glad I got to know some people more personally, which wouldn't have been possible without this. And I'm glad to be able to see the true colours of some others, also impossible without DP.

But anyways, here's a list of my favourite DP things:

1) favourite dance: Aiting's.
it is how freaking emo. never fails to make me wanna burst into tears. and alison's expression during this dance was just heart wrenching lah. I have no idea why Aiting wasn't dancing though, she would have blown all the audience away. but oh wells, I'm proud of her. Go TJ!

2) favourite imaginary friend: General Bao.
so cute! haha. but poor darren under that body suit, he must be sweating buckets.

3) favourite alumni: Gillian.
Just because she was nice to me since my first day in Eusoff back in year one. She is really one of those women that I feel has everything. sportswoman, dancer, genius, pretty, cute, sweet, nice, funny, capable, everything.

4) favourite dance to learn in your free time: Chiitarng and Weina/Alumni/Aiting
There was just too much free time during bump-in :)

5) favourite 'death': Edward Hallifax's!
Kaihui and I were standing backstage during the actual performance watching this dance and we were both emoing over edward's death. That 'whyareyoudoingthistomewhenIcan'tevenhurtafly' look is priceless lah. The other most emo death is Bao. To watch someone so strong and fighting back suddenly die is seriously heartbreaking. Somemore I always feel like running into the scene in my kungfu costume and try to save Bao hoho.

6) favourite new dancer: Kaihui
someone said this before ' if my boyfriend ever leave me for kaihui right, I won't even blame him. I lose lah, I lose.' haha I think that's really very true. I think kaihui is one of those people you can never get angry at.

7) favourite impression change: Waihong.
I thought he was an ass, but he's actually pretty darn nice yet entertaining! Don't know how I can survive dance without these people during practices. good choice, esther :p

You know we keep saying we gotta do an alumni dance sometime, but I think the feeling will never be the same as if you are still living in hall. But reeeally, there isn't a dance that has all of the c3 girls together yet. But now, exams. urgh.

runaway.

sometimes my focus gets off like this, what is important to me, what is not. what I can control, what I cannot. I know how the saying goes about life that you should accept the things you cannot control/change, but its so hard to apply this sometimes. Things and emotions are all over the shop and I'm confused with all that is going on. I'm pushing away the exact people I need (or want?) help from. I'm holding together still somehow, waiting for one thing to break it all. I need to not think about any of this, so being busy helps I guess. But being too busy becomes a drag in itself also, so I start doing things that are not myself again, trying to gain some form of control over things I cannot control. everything gets off. I get tired.

I need to do something about this. But I don't know how, or what.
I can't stand being vulnerable like this.
tuesday, I'm not coming back.

I can't wait for bump-in. cos at least by then there will just be one thing taking up all my attention and I am shut safely from the outside world.

Sophia.

my troubles seem so impossibly minute now compared to everything else.

I felt the earth spin slow very cinematically dramatically for a moment today.

995.

tonight was seriously my series of unfortunate events. excuse me while I whine my ass off.

1) no dinner.
2) 5hrs of dance
3) plus 2hrs at wardrobe (until 2am; haven't eaten since 1pm)
4) fought with my mum over the phone.
4) being called a fucking bitch by shayne for no reason (boys are damn strange I swear)
5) got majorly pissed off by S. (maybe cos I was already really tired)
6) A. kept wanting to play with my dance sticks and slapping me with it.
7) by the time i opened the door unto my own toes right, I literally just cried on the spot cause I had just about enough.
8) step out of the room only to find that someone else wore my slippers away by mistake.

But really, comfort comes from the places I least expect it; Kaihui grinning at me across the stage cause I was looking impossibly dead, supper with a new aquaintance, and then esther and yijun for the cheering up! :) ahhh tomorrow will be better! but by the looks of it, I doubt so. whatever me and my mum were fighting about was something to do with tomorrow.

Must be kharma for making fun of emergency calls to voicemails.

I just really want my own slippers bacck.

I finally feel like my eyes are open after a really long while.