the poem below was given to me from Denise.
well, thanks a lot, you silly cow. haha, jk jk.


Marriage by Gregory Corso

Should I get married? Should I be good?
Astound the girl next door with my velvet suit and faustus hood?
Don't take her to movies but to cemeteries
tell all about werewolf bathtubs and forked clarinets
then desire her and kiss her and all the preliminaries
and she going just so far and I understanding why
not getting angry saying You must feel! It's beautiful to feel!
Instead take her in my arms lean against an old crooked tombstone
and woo her the entire night the constellations in the sky -

When she introduces me to her parents
back straightened, hair finally combed, strangled by a tie,
should I sit with my knees together on their 3rd degree sofa
and not ask Where's the bathroom?
How else to feel other than I am,
often thinking Flash Gordon soap -
O how terrible it must be for a young man
seated before a family and the family thinking
We never saw him before! He wants our Mary Lou!
After tea and homemade cookies they ask What do you do for a living?

Should I tell them? Would they like me then?
Say All right get married, we're losing a daughter
but we're gaining a son -
And should I then ask Where's the bathroom?

O God, and the wedding! All her family and her friends
and only a handful of mine all scroungy and bearded
just wait to get at the drinks and food -
And the priest! he looking at me as if I masturbated
asking me Do you take this woman for your lawful wedded wife?
And I trembling what to say say Pie Glue!
I kiss the bride all those corny men slapping me on the back
She's all yours, boy! Ha-ha-ha!
And in their eyes you could see some obscene honeymoon going on -
Then all that absurd rice and clanky cans and shoes
Niagara Falls! Hordes of us! Husbands! Wives! Flowers! Chocolates!
All streaming into cozy hotels
All going to do the same thing tonight
The indifferent clerk he knowing what was going to happen
The lobby zombies they knowing what
The whistling elevator man he knowing
Everybody knowing! I'd almost be inclined not to do anything!
Stay up all night! Stare that hotel clerk in the eye!
Screaming: I deny honeymoon! I deny honeymoon!
running rampant into those almost climactic suites
yelling Radio belly! Cat shovel!
O I'd live in Niagara forever! in a dark cave beneath the Falls
I'd sit there the Mad Honeymooner
devising ways to break marriages, a scourge of bigamy
a saint of divorce -

But I should get married I should be good
How nice it'd be to come home to her
and sit by the fireplace and she in the kitchen
aproned young and lovely wanting my baby
and so happy about me she burns the roast beef
and comes crying to me and I get up from my big papa chair
saying Christmas teeth! Radiant brains! Apple deaf!
God what a husband I'd make! Yes, I should get married!
So much to do! Like sneaking into Mr Jones' house late at night
and cover his golf clubs with 1920 Norwegian books
Like hanging a picture of Rimbaud on the lawnmower
like pasting Tannu Tuva postage stamps all over the picket fence
like when Mrs Kindhead comes to collect for the Community Chest
grab her and tell her There are unfavorable omens in the sky!
And when the mayor comes to get my vote tell him
When are you going to stop people killing whales!
And when the milkman comes leave him a note in the bottle
Penguin dust, bring me penguin dust, I want penguin dust -

Yet if I should get married and it's Connecticut and snow
and she gives birth to a child and I am sleepless, worn,
up for nights, head bowed against a quiet window, the past behind me,
finding myself in the most common of situations a trembling man
knowledged with responsibility not twig-smear nor Roman coin soup-
O what would that be like!
Surely I'd give it for a nipple a rubber Tacitus
For a rattle a bag of broken Bach records
Tack Della Francesca all over its crib
Sew the Greek alphabet on its bib
And build for its playpen a roofless Parthenon

No, I doubt I'd be that kind of father
Not rural not snow no quiet window
but hot smelly tight New York City
seven flights up, roaches and rats in the walls
a fat Reichian wife screeching over potatoes Get a job!
And five nose running brats in love with Batman
And the neighbors all toothless and dry haired
like those hag masses of the 18th century
all wanting to come in and watch TV
The landlord wants his rent
Grocery store Blue Cross Gas & Electric Knights of Columbus
impossible to lie back and dream Telephone snow, ghost parking -
No! I should not get married! I should never get married!
But - imagine if I were married to a beautiful sophisticated woman
tall and pale wearing an elegant black dress and long black gloves
holding a cigarette holder in one hand and a highball in the other
and we lived high up in a penthouse with a huge window
from which we could see all of New York and even farther on clearer days
No, can't imagine myself married to that pleasant prison dream -

O but what about love? I forget love
not that I am incapable of love
It's just that I see love as odd as wearing shoes -
I never wanted to marry a girl who was like my mother
And Ingrid Bergman was always impossible
And there's maybe a girl now but she's already married
And I don't like men and -
But there's got to be somebody!
Because what if I'm 60 years old and not married,
all alone in a furnished room with pee stains on my underwear
and everybody else is married! All the universe married but me!

Ah, yet well I know that were a woman possible as I am possible
then marriage would be possible -
Like SHE in her lonely alien gaud waiting her Egyptian lover
so i wait-bereft of 2,000 years and the bath of life.

just done watching another episode of the amazing race. it's sad isn't it, watching the Sri Lankans in their daily lives, not knowing of the disaster that would hit them probably a few months later. If only they knew. well, its been exactly a month, not that I remember but it's what today's news didn't fail to repeat over and over again.

moving on to more senseless stuff, here are a couple stuff I overheard people saying this week so far.

"Are you going to the tuckshop(meaning sch canteen)?"
-IP student 1 to IP student 2. wow, they're so...young.

"Usually people who keep saying that they are the best, the top, the only one who can do the job, are the ones with the biggest problems with their self-esteem."
-Mr. Thompson on the Kaiser, William 2nd. But doesn't that just remind you guys about a particular asshole? I was laughing till lesson ended.

"ew!" / "you serious?" / "it's like putting a flower into a lump of shit."
-everyone who just found out about that dear couple. I agree, and people think its my responsibility to knock some snese into her. er, i would try.

haha just finished watching The Kid. wasn't really paying attention to the plot but the boy is just sooooooo cute!!! feel like pinching his cheeks, or rather, him. haha, anywayz he's so super adorable. if you watched the show you would know what I mean. This chubby cute short kid bouncing around throughout the show. haha. I know I sound bimbotic now but I don't care!! ahh, soo cute!

sorry but the pictures just won't come out. shucks. er, once I figure out hello blogging thingy.

evince \ih-VIN(T)S\, transitive verb:
To show in a clear manner; to manifest; to make evident; to bring to light.

The study showed that girls were better prepared for class, had better attendance records, and evinced more positive academic behavior overall.
--Christina Hoff Sommers, The War Against Boys

alright!! let's have a word of the day thing to build up our pathetic vocab.

bibulous \BIB-yuh-luhs\, adjective:
1. Of, pertaining to, marked by, or given to the consumption of alcoholic drink.
2. Readily absorbing fluids or moisture.

Vineyards are everywhere, especially when Felix approaches Paris, the most populous city in Christendom -- and the most bibulous too, since lousy local wine had to be drunk before it turned sour in a few months.
--Eugen Weber, "Renaissance Men," New York Times, April 13, 1997

Ever since the joys of the fermented grape were discovered, the bibulous have been waking up feeling the worse for wear.
--Sally Chatterton, "The Daily Website: www.hungover.net," Independent, September 3, 2001


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Bibulous comes from Latin bibulus, from bibere, "to drink."

haha...act this came directly from Dictionary.com

I'll always remember
It was late afternoon
It lasted forever
And ended so soon
You were all by yourself
Staring up at a dark grey sky
I was changed

In places no one will find
All your feelings so deep inside
Was then that I realized
That forever was in your eyes

The moment i saw you cry

It was late in September
And I've seen you before
You were always the cold one
But I was never that sure

You were all by yourself
Staring up at a dark grey sky
I was changed

In places no one will find
All your feelings so deep inside
Was then that I realized
That forever was in your eyes

The moment I saw you cry

I wanted to hold you
I wanted to make it go away
I wanted to know you
I wanted to make your everything...alright

I'll always remember
It was late afternoon
In places no one will find

In places no one will find
All your feelings so deep inside
It was there that I realized
That forever was in your eyes

The moment I saw you cry
I wanted to know you

one of those songs I've never heard in a long long time...an emotion I have yet to experience...

last night, i dreamt that i died.

It wasn't so much of the pain and agony and dying until it actually happened. It was more of in the midst of doing something then I blacked out and then continuing doing the same thing though somehow I knew I already died. haha, doesn't make sense, but anyway, er my cousins and brother (who also died with me somehow, except one)were all still going about in their daily routine. ( I remember telling them, 'what's the point, it's not like they can see you')then i went back to school (not xinmin, not tj, but some place which looks like Hogwarts)to check out what my peeps are doing, to see if my crush is anyway affected by my death.(ha!)apparantly not, he was still laughing away in some gathering where, somehow, the school is raising funds for me.haha, yeah right, like my parents would need it, i think they would be richer, in the material sense, if I'm gone.

this sounds super xie men but if i'm not wrong, you dream about exactly opposite things right, so maybe I'm healing from something. haha. but when I woke up, my body was still aching from the shopping yesterday.

well yesterday, i managed to knock into, block, trip, drag, separate a miliion and one people in orchard. I was a total klutz yesterday, haha. see, I even managed to even block slyvester's way at Heeren, where he was supposed to appear with Taufik for the album release thingy. haha, yes, sly's fans, I came face to face with him before I froze while loads of girls screamed behind him. hey, he didn't look tt bad, prob cos he was wearing sunglasses. I have to say that I did not go there on purpose to see them hor. also saw weiyu and xinyi. weiyu is still as chio as ever.

I became sort of michelle's slave willingly yesterday. The guilt of not being there when she had her operation recently.

Teachers who would make you have an heart attack if you're already stressed enough. So maybe someday nearer to the maths exam we would all explode.

Teachers with disgusting voices and weird primary school methods. whose face shape 'enchants' you to pay attention. maybe we just need them. the primary school methods, not the voice, not the face.

Teachers who want to know us very well quickly without the contact. who want our blog addresses and don't know what they are getting themselves into. when I finally surrender this add, I should probably have to delete this post. luckily i don't archive my stuff, luckily I never learnt how to.

And what's with everyone and the bloody collar pin ?! agrh...

well, i think everyone else ish watching the football match now, the one singapore finally got to play. finally, sth to be proud of in the singapore football scene, well that is if they win. personally, i still think they suck terribly. 2-0 so far...not bad.

the new dance cher ish dear ms lee tung leng, my ex-chemistry teacher. don't know if that's good or bad. well anyway, she already made known in her first few words to the club that she does not know anyone in the club at all except me. one thing is, I cannot pon anymore!!!!! oh shit...

er, the orientation night was okay, i guess. couldn't get as high as last yr beacuse i refuse to. haha...you know lah, yr 2 already must act a bit more mature...ha. The decor was better, or shld I say they finally put some decor. Alex was the emcee...haha...haha. sth to look, at least. saw and spoke to yazid backstage...hahahahaha. Tobias was also walking around. but like who cares. haha.

okay I found sum new guy to go crazy over.
seth green!!! he's old though, like really old...30+


agrh! i heard brad pitt and jennifer aniston just split!! how can?!

hmm...what went wrong?

you guys ever had a friend who seem to be like a second you and that everything seemed to be going right and you two could be the best of friends and then suddenly, you're just not talking to each other anymore? (okay, tt was a long question) Hmm, and now we're ignoring each other even though we're right in each other's faces, rare fake 'hi's if we bother and pretending we've forgotten how it used to be. Pretending to be loud and have a lot of fun with another bunch of friends in each others' presence just to show each other that ' my life is still great without you'.
bah, whatever. nothing I say is gonna change anything now. I'm gonna keep my existing friends close to me now. Although we're all not exactly alike, at least they're fucking reliable and appreciative.

haha, sad to see that once Clara finally starts viewing my blog (I hope she still does), it's nothing good here. This is not all the time, dear, just happened to be.

ok! time for my nap. haha. gotta catch my fav chinese show later. you guys should watch! it's on Channel u at 7.30. haha.bye!

Haha, i move on easily.

She really is perfect. beautiful, sweet, smart, without the boring-ness of it. The world seem to move like her as she twirls in her own, seemingly unaware of how much she is affecting everyone around her. Insecure(I could never understand why she would be), yet so sure of herself sometimes. She makes you feel like royalty though you have long ago decided she is the queen. I wish I could be like her.


Slow dancing on the boulevard
In the quiet moments while the city’s still dark
Sleepwalking through the summer rain and the tired spaces
You could hear her name when she was warm and tender
And you held her arms around you
There was nothing but her love and affection
She was crazy for you
Now she’s part of something that you lost

And for all you know
This could be
The difference between what you need
And what you wanna be

Night swimming in her diamond dress
Making small circles move across the surface
Stand watching from the steady shore
Feeling wide open and waiting for
Something warm and tender
Now she’s moving further from you
There was nothing that could make it easy on you
Every step you take reminds you that she’s walking wrong

Yeah, for all you know
This could be
The difference between what you need
And what you want

Every word you never said
Echoes down your empty hallway
And everything that was your world
Just came down

Day breaking on the boulevard
Feel the sun warming up your second hand heart
Light swimming right across your face
And you think maybe someday, yeah
Maybe someday

For all you know
Yeah, this could be
The difference between what you need
And what you want

Yeah, for all you know
For all you know
Yeah, for all that you know
This is what you wanna be
Girl, what you wanna be

matchbox 20- the difference