On with the Festivities!

you know the song that goes 'some of them wanna use you, some of them wanna be used by you'? So true! We let ourselves be used, sometimes unknowingly, sometimes deluding ourselves that it's not true. Or we do it knowingly, thinking that it's worth it, or that we believe that we just can't help it. And then when we're dropped with a snap of a finger, we go through all that unnecessary hurt, sadness and anger, realising that we've wasted our time, our efforts, our emotions for absolutely nothing. And basically I think it's never worth it let yourself be used. I can say you should have known better, but sometimes we are so blinded by what we believe to be true, we can't see the real person standing in front of us. How to wake up our own idea? diffikult. I guess we learn along the way. As for those who use others (I guess we all do that to others in a small way) for your need to feel popular, loved, or whatever, can you at least try to not be such a liar liar pants on fire not, saying things you don't mean and pretending to be who you are not just so that you can keep these people around just to use them. TSK. We try lah, we must at least try. And yes I'm pointing fingers, a very big fat finger at i think we all know who.

Funny thing is, I'm still letting myself be used right now. I can see it, but I'm not doing anything to stop it.

On a happier note, it's Halloween! haha it's raining crazily outside, creating the perfect scary conditions :) I'm just gonna stay home and watch all the scary movies that were promised to be screened by various channels. And this whole week has been documentaries about apocalypses and truth behind demons, and haunted hotels and all. I love such stuff, I don't know why. I do get shit scared, but I still adore it.

If you ask the various shopping malls in Singapore, they will all tell you that Christmas is already here. YAY I LOVE CHRISTMASSSS :)))))))

Sekret Police.

I'm really happy at work when I see all these aunties and uncles during their line dancing, wushu courses. They're incredibly cute when they're hanging out with their friends and laughing and all. And karaoke omg, they are reeeally happy singing their hokkien songs, looking like they're really giving a performance and they're all basically in their own world, not PAISEH one loh. When they come into the office, they're all so happy and friendly and they all ask about everyone and talk about how excited they are about the course they're taking. When c3 grows old we're gonna take line dancing together HAHA <3 !

Today I got a couple calls offering to volunteer to help with a CC programme, and I was wondering what kind of person would ever want to volunteer for something like that. I mean, volunteering for a welfare organisation is one thing, but volunteering for the community is another, its not like they're the needy. Apparently grassroots leaders are all volunteers anyway, no one gets paid except us in the office (well they do get certain privileges though). A colleague was explaining to me the whole organisation flow and the gazillion departments and divisions (and their acronyms. oh how I hate Singapore and all of her bloody acronyms.)and I can't imagine who in the world would take the trouble to form all these groups for the community in their free time. The whole PA organisation runs like hall anyways, committess coming up with events, there's people in charge of publicity, logistics, marketing, same same. Zone leaders are like block heads (except instead of one block you look after 30), banners have to be made, tickets, t-shirts printed out, SAME. But at least we get points out of doing it. Are those privileges really worth having your nights burnt and you having to come down and sit down at dinner with a bunch of senior citizens? Don't understand.

One more thing, why ban facebook, youtube and sharing sites in the office!!? I only know that several countries have blocked these sites before so as to discourage dissent and organisation of protest groups, spreading of riots, etc. ORH HOR!

Move Along Now.

When I graduated, I told myself I should never let myself feel like I have to be in hall because my friends are still there and that me, just by not being physically there all the time and available, will lose these friends or become relatively less important in their lives. And that them, being all there and present, will build stronger, tighter bonds and I, without this common ground and living in a different timezone, will eventually be forgotten. I have to admit I do feel that way sometimes, but now that I've spelt it all out, I realise then I wouldn't really wanna be friends with such people anyways right? But still, but still, I wish I had more time to focus on the people who (unexpectedly) have such an impact on my life, and wasn't wasting time with those who were putting on a facade all the while. I wish I had better judgement, I wish I paid more attention, I wish I tried harder (but not too hard cos we alll know what trying too hard can only bring us!hoho ) and I wish I had the time to see if stronger friendships were possible, and to let them know I will always be there for them. Have I ever said enough thanks, have I ever showed enough concern? Am I even thought of? I'm not being emo nemo here but it's just sometimes, you know, such thoughts creep into my head and I go into a frenzy of contacting everyone around me. haha!

I think you know what I mean, and I know what you'd say. No regrets huh, whatever will be will be, like that song.

I am so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so very dumb.

Head down as I watch my feet take turns hitting the ground
I should, I find myself in love racing the earth

And I'm soaked in your love
And love was right in my path, in my grasp
And me and you belong

I wanna run, run, smash into you
I wanna run, run, smash into you

It flows, what I hear no one else has to know
'Cause I know in what we have is worth first place in gold

And I'm soaked in your love
And love right in my path, in my grasp
And me and you belong

I wanna run, run, smash into you
I wanna run, run, smash into you, smash into you

Head down, as I watch my feet take turns hitting the ground
I should, I'm in love and I'm racing the earth

And I'm soaked in your love
And love is right in my path, in my grasp
And me and you belong

Oh, I wanna run, smash into you
I'm willing to run, smash into you
I'm willing to run and run, and run, and run, ooh
I'm ready to run and run, and run, and run, ooh

And I wanna run, run, smash into you
I'm willing to run, run, smash into you

Like it's talking about fun, happy, reckless, brave, overwhelming love for someone. But on the other hand, gives me a very violent visual of you not looking where you are going and really really smashing full speed into someone else who was just innocently standing there. ouch loh.

Community Service.

Is it me, or do I have a how-can-I-help-you-today face. (what am I talking about) I don't know whyy but everyone loves to approach me when I'm out on the streets. do this survey! where does this bus go! how do I get there! where is this place! does this place have this and this! even, what other sizes do you have this in! hello I don't know. I have been mistaken as a salesgirl even in paris (Topshop at Lafayette! haha)and bangkok. They make me feel incredibly stupid when I can't answer questions, and then I feel bad, and then I help them to find out. Do I look friendly to you, huh huh huh. Okay, it very possibly means as a compliment, but you have no idea how annoying it is. I try to walk faster, and they all walk faster towards me. So strange. Gais really, I don't know stuff, I don't know directions, I'm the blurest person I know, don't waste your timeeeee. hey hey I'll probably do awesome at a job as an information counter(ist?) though! haha.

By the way one of the choices of places to live in around campus in WOLLONGONG (yes laugh laugh) proudly advertises that it has a condom vending machine. like hmm.

Inglorious Basterds was all about 'I'm gonna kill everyone! will remain sexy will doing so' .

hohoho Eli Roth.