Girls.

some girls don't seem to know what they want. no, i think girls actually know what they want, but they get distracted easily. then there's this problem where they actually either think too much, or they don't think at all. which is plain confusing. even I don't get it sometimes. But somehow, we can always always find a reason to justify ourselves. we're real good at that for sure. our actions are governed by our hearts, our minds, the weather(no really, I think this plays a HUGE role) and so many other things at different times of the day that it's hard not to go 'huh?'. complicated is just a nice way of saying it. even now, i'm getting confused about what I'm writing about. it's a bit like what Gandalf said about Hobbits: You can learn all that there is to know about their ways in a month, and yet after a hundred years they can still surprise you at a pinch. haha good luck guys.

as a sidenote, there's this prc girl on my floor who washes her granny underwear at the sink at 3am in the morning all the time. And the funny thing is, she wears these huge ass yellow rubber gloves as she does it. haha must be damn toxic her underwear.

on days like this, I can't help but feel .

Birthday balloon.

I have to admit the picnic idea was good. hell, I hate losing.
anyways, happy birthday to ming and howhow.
(thank god for facebook! haha.)

anyway, my family was having a bad day today, and me making them circle round botanical gardens 5 times because I wasn't out yet didn't help. haha but I was feeling happy coming out from the picnic so i managed to talk crap until everyone was laughing and relaxed again. wohoo. ahh, it's a nice weekend of birthdays :) Makes me think what I am going to do for mine. the only reason why i'm not super keen on a super big chalet party thing is because I know the groups of friends would NOT mix and I'd just die trying to get from group to group and entertaining people, and constantly calling people to give directions. OMG. hello, it's MY birthday for god's sake. My brother suggested I get a throne and sit on it while people come forth to give me pigs and vegetables from their farm so i can save their village from the flood. the second suggestion was to get dengue fever. HAHAH. that bitch.

hmm, hope everything goes well for ming's surgery tmr! then maybe he can climb trees after that :)

Overdue.

Finally. It feels like this ihg victory has been long overdue for eusoff. I mean hello, losing by one gold count last year was just horrendous. We should have won both last year and this. I think the very dramatic weather added to the whole rocks-lah-we-kicked-everyone's-asses-this-year feel. I am so yellow-blooded it's impossible for me to get tanned now.

anyways this reminds me of my last personality lecture where the prof taught us that testosterone levels temporarily rise in winners in a sports game and lowers for the team which lose. I am feeling hou man right now lah.

More on personality! apparently i'm an extrovert now. I remembered i scored real low on this trait when i did the test back in secondary school. i don't really believe it though, i mean, Jess didn't either. but i guess it's better than back then. i was so afraid of people and i talk to my pencilbox in school. haha KIDDING.

Photography is such a great career choice isn't it. I was the only one who bothered to make small talk with the photographer last night so he showed me a few of the photos he'd taken for some recent assignments. so cool leh, i also want. but i take shit photos :( But actually i think all i need is a damn good camera. it was quite funny actually, his camera was so huge and had so much flash and other stuff attached to it, i didn't know where to look while he was taking my photo. i swear there was like 5 different lenses looking thing, it was like a guessing game lah.

ooh see his photos HERE
ahh! and the best part of it is that you'd get to travel!! let me quit school now. let me quit school now!

Fly like Butterflies.

I think the one lesson most humans will probably never learn is to not take things for granted. To treasure the things which matter the most ( and I think the the same basic things matter to every single one of us, unless you have attained enlightenment) before we lose them. we tend to forget.
A huge butterfly fluttered around c blk last night. and I just can't help wondering.
I realized I hadn't taken the time to mourn at all.

Eyes Wide Shut.

The part where it sucks to be a woman is when you're husband turns out to be a complete piece of shit. I mean really, how would you be able to tell when you've just gotten married. You'd probably think that things can only go uphill from then on. but noo, ten years on, reality slaps you on the face with a big fat trout. the man who you thought was your faithful partner in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, and in joy as well as in sorrow. Bah, the wedding vows were thrown out of the window a long time ago. No, really, love is blind. Your family and friends are your eyes and your ears and your brain. When everyone's saying the exact same thing, won't you have had the common sense to see that there's a possibility that they could be right? And after all the shit a husband can do to his wife, she can't leave him because she is financially dependent on him. oh my god. (lesson 1 girls, make your own goddamn money!)anyway i would still divorce his ass because it might be hard now but you'd get by emotionally healthy. stick with him and you'd suffer every single day, having to face him and still take care of him. how can anyone take this! I would have stabbed him long ago! Why let a man have total control of your life like that? And why the hell do men like that exist! urghh! Should've thrown him into prison a long time ago.

Sigh. How can you tell it's love? How do you even know what love feels like? How do you even know the person loves you back as much? And how do you know it's enough to last? The answer 'you'd know when you know' just doesn't cut it right now.

Seamonkey.

Ellen Page's character, which is Juno, kicks ass. really.
And I love the ending. two of them just singing :)

and the one line to remember from Juno is: In my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person will still think the sun shines out your ass. That's the kind of person that's worth sticking with.

And that's why I keep believing :)

Amnesia.

I wasn't going to do anything this valentine but the mood caught on as all of the other c3 girls were making presents so I guess I gave in after all. My room for the past 2 nights have been turned into santa's workshop of some sort and now it's in a huge mess (thanks to yijun man, all her rubbish is still lying around in my room). But it was kind of sweet and heartwarming to see girls sitting around together and making(and then comparing) presents for their boyfriends and all. Valentines day brings about a generally happy mood I suppose, especially with all the excess of endorphins released :))

I hate it when I just thought I can trust someone and totally be comfortable with them, they completely disappoint you in one way or another. and then you're left wondering what to do. And then you start doubting yourself, thinking if there was something that you did that hurt that someone else that made them cold towards you. and then by the time your friend would have drifted so far away that there's nothing you can do but watch the person go. I am just torturing myself. but I guess when other people can tell we aren't that close anymore, it's not just me. At times like this I wish I was a boy and not be such a girl.

I find it amusing and kind of scary that I am as readable as an open book. I mean, I can't act or lie at all, and everything is written on my facial expressions apparently. haha. the most recent example was me saying something mean like 'like I can give a shit' and then wanyu simply replied 'this meiyi ah, she's zuay yin xin luan one loh' (erm translated, it means something along the lines of i like to act tough but the heart is soft) and I was just speechless and all i could think of was shit, my mum has been using that phrase on me for as long as I can remember. So yah, if you think I really like/love/hate you, I REALLY do like/love/hate you. It's that simple. This is why i cannot pretend to be cool no matter what I do. And this is why I am damn easy to bully. erm well, I guess it's just who I am. but this is bad when I thrown into the working world. really bad.

oh and why the title Amnesia? cos last night I dreamt that I lost all my memory. and I was happy.

oh my god. the gingy (from Shrek) soft toy is beyooond cute la. But the small $16 one has already been sold and all thats left is the bigger $40 one :(( And walking past the booth today I saw the even bigger version of it which is totally going to cost a bomb. siiigh.

in other news, i hate physics.

the million dollar question.

okay my relatives ARE annoying. for some reason this year, every house I stepped into asked me the same question; "so, you have a boyfriend yet?" and everytime someone asks that, I can feel the entire house quieten and suddenly everyone's gaze is on me, except a few who I KNOW are half pretending to not listen. and then I look over to my mom who then gives me the raised eyebrow look. And I just laugh nervously. oh hello, even if it's a yes, who can bear to say it, knowing that it would only lead to a zillion zillion more questions.

yesterday, I watched across the universe, today, it was stardust. it is going to be a new year of bad movies i'd say.

Buy me flowers and candy.

so I was on 151 on the way to school and there's this huge ass house which always catches my attention. basically it's so big that its very pretty garden can fit another house and its garden. so anyways, yesterday, i see this white tent set up in the middle of it. not your typical pasar malam kind of tent, but the kind circuses have. and the trees in the garden have expensive looking lanterns and lights hung on it. i suspect all of that is for the coming chinese new year. like seriously, all I could think of after that is who are these people, where do they get their money from and most importantly, what can I do to make them give me some.

my parents loove plants. my tiny balcony ( nowhere near a garden) is packed with them. I can remember once they were so excited about the appearance of caterpillars, god knows why because caterpillars eat up all your plants. so anyway, everytime cny comes around, they find new excuses to get more plants and then we spend nights rummaging through nurseries after nurseries. not that I don't like plants but like seriously i just think tropical plants are so boring we shouldn't bother ourselves with them at all. My parents should live in an actual house. But since we're broke, we should just take the easier method and move to Malaysia or something.

and then there's flowers. what in the world do you do with flowers given to you? I mean, I love flowers and receiving them and everything. but then i have no idea what to do with them afterwards. back home, my mum would actually take the trouble to put them in a vase. well okay, not a vase cos we don't have one. so she puts them in a conical flask. why do I have a conical flask and not a vase, I have no idea either. so yeah, flowers are wasted on me. but hey not just me, just look around c3 and you will see all the flowers still in their boxes, left outside by all the girls.

Love is still in the air.

So DP's been over for quite some time now, but the songs still play continuously in my head. ESPECIALLY the songs for 3G's dance. I was so close to breaking into song and dance in town today (actually I kind of did). I think that's my favourite dance:) And everyone already knows who's my favourite dancer. hoho. Part of me wishes that DP's not over yet, part of me is thankful that it is. I mean, we wouldn't miss it as much if it went on and on and never ended right. we might even hate it. bump ( or bunk? I still have no idea) in wasss so much fun, it really should have been longer. apart from half-worrying and half-cursing about missing classes and wasting time, I actually enjoyed the time we all spent chilling (cause it was cold) together. I think the most important part about DP is the friends you make. People who otherwise you would not have ever taken the time and effort to get to know. and of course whether these friendships will last or not is another story. So anyways, apparently our freshies (some) are just about as crazy as we are. the girls in our dressing room are obviously more fun than the ones in the next room. haha i realise i do this often. I already proclaimed that the dancers coming in from the left side for wanyu's dance are cooler than the right side and prison dancers in the 3rd cell are waay more happening than the other two. haha oops. okay back to what I was saying, we sang, we danced, we tried to destroy the lockers, we played bridge(omg I miss bridge the most!), we played polarbear (yingxuan's idea), we changed in the cupboard, we camwhored like nobody's business. The a4-c4 guys provided the usual entertainment. DP in a nutshell was the bomb. But the highest everyone had been has to be when the curtain finally closed and everyone was just randomly hugging and smiling and cheering. It was a superb experience. everyone should do DP at least once. it's worth it :) Love you guys, really. I'm happy to have gotten to know every single one of you!
Now that DP has ended, there is only one way to celebrate: eat and sleep. okay that's two but oh what the heck.

Next up, chinese new year! And then valentine's day (okay not so important) and then midsem break. and hundreds of birthdays inbetween. when will I have the time to study?! haha.