Summer Santa.

So what do you want for your birthday?

This has got to be the hardest question. I can never ever think of what I want. Christmas, birthdays, NO IDEA. It has come to the point where my parents and relatives give me money instead, most of which I spent on god knows what. hmm come to think of it, I really can't remember where my money went to. If I have to say something, it would be a lomo action sampler camera. the one with four frames which daphne has. which is cheap as hell if I might add ;) Things I would need are a wallet, a bag and a handphone. The parents are taking care of the handphone part. probably a new iPod would be nice, mine currently only has 1GB. What I do know is, do not and I repeat, do NOT get me perfume or a watch. I smell naturally nice and wearing watches get me so frustrated I always feel the urge to take it off halfway and hurl it at a passerby. And as long as it's not something decorative and I can actually use it, it should be fine. So, I would say....surprise me. haha. whatever you feel screams my name when you see it. I think that should be a good gauge. I hope that means something expensive:))

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edit: haha I just want to leave this post at the top. anyway I just discovered the wonders of bittorrent. after years of trying to be nice and dl song by song (you know, showing some effort in stealing music), I have to say downloading albums is damn shiok lah. so yes, thus begins my own musical revolution. Thou shall only listen to HAPPY songs from now ons. and, presenting, the pinnacle of happy/nonsensical songs: Flight of the conchords with my favorite song.



how to not smile?

shut down this heart.

went there, giggled like a 10 year old, ate, slept, ate, complained about the locals, found out what A&W stood for, sang. still missed you, ate.

I don't know why but sometime during the trip i suddenly remembered that I actually asked some close (then) friends to send me 5 of their favorite songs each so I can put them in my iPod and properly miss these people while I was in Cambodia and so I could feel like home :) how silly.

And I also missed this:

At the end of all things.

the problem with emo posts is that people tend to think you are emoing 24/7 until a new entry is made. even I get the feeling like I should be feeling emo 24/7 when i read my own blog.

so anyway, I am some serious blur shit because I thought I was going KL on friday night but actually its tomorrow. thankfully I called someone to ask for details. I don't know what I'm doing these days man, just going through days without thinking. It's really been quite a while since I properly used my brains i suspect. And i have to admit, no matter how many times I've been told what exactly we're going to be doing on the trip, my brain tuned out and all I hear is 'so, we're going to be blah blah blah blah' so yeah, this trip is going to be exciting for me cos I have no idea whats happening. yay. no wonder my parents are always so worried about me going away alone. confirm get raped and murdered on this trip if i don't wake up my idea soon. like, tomorrow. everyone please make sure I return in one piece by Monday night. thankews:)

I feel a little guilty that I'm still going on a holiday and still having my birthday stuff despite what happened, we all know we're supposed to wait 100 days after a funeral. But then all guilt disappears when I think about how my cousin is still going ahead with his wedding in early june. that one I cannot beat.

Ever since Tuesday, I feel a little lighter and more optimistic that things are going to change for the better. My fingers are crossed.

Made of sticks and hay.

If you do not ask me about it, I can usually put up a very good show. Otherwise, I will break on the spot so badly you'd wish you hadn't asked. it's quite funny actually, how does one reply to 'are you okay?'. yes would make you sound like a unfeeling bitch, no makes you sound like you're trying to gain more sympathy. option one, say yes and no and then you have to give a whole essay of explaining why, which no brain can do so under that kind of circumstances. second, try to do some body language manipulation when replying quickly with a curt yes without looking at the person straight in the eyes would mean 'no, not reallly okay, I'm just trying to sound brave and I don't want to talk about it'. but some people are idiots in this area and they DO continue asking about it. But really, THANK YOU to those who bothered to ask in the first place (fake concern or not, these things are very obvious) but that's just about as far as I can carry on the conversation right now. sorry to those who got the information a little late, I just did not know how to say it so suddenly. I was told information like this spread naturally, but apparently it didn't. I have so much to say about the funeral, but maybe a week or so later. really, not now. so forgive me if sometimes I avoid talking about it at all costs, desperately finding something else to talk about or make a joke that is seriously not funny, because that usually means another night of crying for me. sometimes, silly me, I think I am brave and start talking about these things, in the end wishing the conversation would end asap. seems like we are almost never as strong as we like to be. a silent hug would sometimes be sufficient.

in other news, so long and farewell to the expedition people! I bet you guys won't miss us, haha.

just saw this on mtv. best isolation I've seen since kaba modern I'd say.

Magnum

I need something light after all that.

so, the first time I saw the hugo boss perfume ad, the name zoolander just popped into my head. I dunch know why no one else saw this very obvious similarity.




































I bought a Rubik's cube to entertain myself for the past two days. this is what I look like with it after many hours.

yes, i turn into a man and start speaking Spanish. Amo fútbol y toros!
i still haven't solved it, in case you were wondering. there must be something seriously wrong with my brain!

Rubik's cube reminds me of Daphne, from whom I shall borrow a line from: Be still, beating heart.

yup, cried like a baby.

From start to finish.

When one dies in old age, I would think that there is no need to be sad for them.
It is only the living they leave behind that we usually cry for.
But then, can nobody see that she is smiling in her coffin?

maybe it's my mental defenses setting in, maybe things will be different tomorrow when the cremation actually happens.
Times like these can tell you a lot about the true nature of the people around you.

so sweet, to be buried placed beside your husband.

where my heart used to be.

our very cute RF sunning his pillows. it made me smile everytime I walked past c3 corner for some reason. dont you think thats way too many pillows for a couple, one toddler and one baby?


belinda and I dropped by the neighbourhood pasar malam . Don't know about you but I havent been to a pasar malam in a zillion years, so i'd thought it might be fun. and it was not bad, after belinda got over the embarrassment of shopping in a pasar malam. It is actually a little bit like bazaar shopping i realised.

The place was actually quite empty, not the bustling, squeezy pasar malam it used to be. looks like this is going to be one of those dying singapore traditions. such a pity, I used to be pretty excited about going to one of these things when i was young. looking forward to the food, mostly. and we would see our school friends. and our parents would stop to chat with neighbours. all of this back when we actually still talk to our neighbours and the kids play with each other.



oh yes, they still do sell cassette tapes. thing is, who in the world still sells cassette tapes players? so the term mixtape would actually refer to this kind of tapes. which would have been much more meaningful in that period of time because, wha really takes quite a lot of effort to make one. nowadays it's just click and burn, click and burn.

I'm just showing this because I want that spongebob squarepants bag in the middle. how cute is that bag!!

Sweet Home Alabama.

the super poem from Harold & Kumar. so incredibly nerdish yet incredibly sweet. haha :)

I’m sure that I will always be
A lonely number like root three

The three is all that’s good and right,
Why must my three keep out of sight
Beneath the vicious square root sign,
I wish instead I were a nine

For nine could thwart this evil trick,
with just some quick arithmetic

I know I’ll never see the sun, as 1.7321
Such is my reality, a sad irrationality

When hark! What is this I see,
Another square root of a three

As quietly co-waltzing by,
Together now we multiply
To form a number we prefer,
Rejoicing as an integer

We break free from our mortal bonds
With the wave of magic wands

Our square root signs become unglued
Your love for me has been renewed

Everyone's packing up stuff to move home. and yijun's already gone (forgetting about her bag of shoes in the corridoor). There are boxes, plastic bags and suitcases everywhere it's like war of the worlds man. I seriously have the most number of plastic bags humanly possible. And I can assure you that my speakers is the LAST thing i will plug out. the end of the semester always comes at the perfect time when I can't wait to go home. 3 months later you'd find that I cannot wait to come back.

watch gossip girls and the stats paper feels like it happened weeks ago :)

now with everyone's msn nicks saying that 'it's over!' and suitcases down every corridoor with everyone starting to move out, I can't be more motivated to switch off my laptop, lock the door, and study stats.

haha who am I kidding!
le sigh, holidays come quickly pleaseeee.

right now, I'm chatting with yingxuan online, and it always scares me how much I have in common with her despite calling her the bimbo of all bimbos everytime I see her. hahah!

now, 5 days to my last paper with nothing in between, I can finally take a break for today and erm, load 10 episodes of everything to watch. I definitely made the right decision to chiong home right after my paper today, because apparently my parents knew around what time I should be home and had all kinds of food ready. haha yup thats really how they show love I realise. so yeah, basically the only time I've stopped eating is when I took a 3 hour nap. OMG THIS IS BADD. haha. also, the weather. omg, I didn't even have to use the aircon at home because basically threshold for weather resistance have been raised waaay high after the past few days in hall.

somehow I think the aircon in the lounge is what's been causing my headache. last night it was just unbearable, It was either I shoot myself in the head so my brains can spill all over my notes and the pain will stop OR come home.

Developmental paper was really quite good today, and I can't help but keep remembering that last sem jess was complaining about her devt psych lecturer, and I have to say, thank god we got Elliot. I think he's brilliant really. lecturers really make a difference as to how much students will like the subject, like how i so absolutely detest language acquisition and how I've been avoiding the 'language development' chapter in god knows how many modules now. developmental paper really makes us girls (I'm sure) want to go have a kid right now, because somehow it feels like 'alright, I confirm can raise a kid right with all this information i've got!'. BUT, haha let's not be rash.

All week, checking facebook here and there, I've to say I'm really happy for my brother! It's just great when you able to lead a life of passion and still do good. he's all diving all over the place and restoring reefs. how cool is that!

Taking a step back from being all caught up in exams and day-to-day weather survival, I just realized it's the last week of hall EVER for some friends like jess and yijun. wow.

wow.

Strawberry Fields

Last night I had a very deep, intellectual, amazing 3hour conversation with Angel last night about psychology, our future, people, and leading ultimately to religion. So deep that I almost forgot about the horrendous weather. Funny how you can find friends in places you do not expect, yet friends you expect to be there for you manages to disappoint you after some time. Maybe having no expectations is the best way to live, and you will find that even the little things will make your day (like how the freshies thought of ordering lunch for me although I was sleeping and dead to the world this afternoon). And expecting nothing in return is the best way to love perhaps. easier said than done! I think I do miss the a3 girls after talking to them for a really short while in their lounge.

sigh, I am actually bursting with information to tell people but because it's examination time, everyone's just buried in their notes. most of the time I actually have to control my legs so i'd not run all over the place at any time of the day to chat. not working very well actually. my plan to NOT be a member of the society for two weeks is failing horribly.

the strawberry waffle from behind is to die for! maybe it's just because I like strawberries in the first place. It felt like I was back to being a little girl again for that 10 mins.

lastly, get well soon jess!