If I should die this very moment. I wouldn't fear. For I've never known completeness like being here. Wrapped in the warmth of you, loving every breath of you. Still my heart this moment or it mightl burst. Could we stay right here. until the end of time. Until the earth stops turning. Wanna love you until the seas run dry. I've found the one I've waited for.
- Gorecki, Lamb

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance. Never settle for the path of least reisitance. Living might mean taking chances but they're woth taking. Loving might be a mistake but it's worth making. Don't let some hell bent heart make you bitter. When you come close to selling out, reconsider. Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance. And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you'll dance.
- I hope you'll dance, Lee Ann Womak

Standing on the shore. Calling out your name. I was here before. I could see your gace. Only clouds will see. Tears are in my eyes. Empty like my heart. Why did you say goodbye.
-Blame it on the weatherman, Bewitched

Say it's true, There's nothing like you and me. I'm not alone, tell me you feel it too. I would runaway. I would runaway with you.
- Runaway, The Corrs

Huh? What? Who? When?
 
I realised I don't know what's happening in school anymore. Seems like I'm in my own little world inside my head again. I'm always the last to know about things which has happened so long ago.  What's wrong with me arh? It has always been like this loh. I'm like going through school in a totally blur state. The changes come so quickly. One moment it's like this, and the other it's like that. Eh people, must tell me when things happen lah, not after everything has passed then you all tell me the story all in past tense. haha, you guys know how blur I can get. I am always bothered with what's happening with me but not around me. This is bad...

aiyah,*argh*
 
I officially announce bucket is no more...

"I have a toothbrush. My toothbrush is sexy." - Mike Shinoda, Linkin Park.
 
 

wow, i would say today is one of those more eventful days. better list them before i forget. To these I say thanks (both sincerely and sacarstically)

1) Early in the morning even before assembly, I was paired up with Houston. eh ppl, wasn't Zheng An bad enough? Im always the butt of all the scandals. The worst scandals.

2)Kee liang's small attempt to bond during chemistry period. Xiting for lending me use her colour pens, though i felt so bad halfway i started using my own pens.

3)To Xiting and Rachel for sharing food from their locker. no idea for how long those were kept in there though.

4)To Houston for making really mean remarks abt Maggie Goh after she tried to seduce him again.ha.

5)To maths cher for crapping with me for a little while before the lecture test.

6)To Xiting for exchanging seats with me during PW lecture so I don't have to sit with that thing.

7)For the (beneficial?) talk on AIDs. the video was entertaining though.

8)To chong wu and sam for being against Zheng An too!!

9)Another pathetic attempt (by sam this time) to bond during lunch.

10)To Raz for saying hi to me! (haha...this iz da best man) Hahahahahaha!!! I was quite high throughout the whole of the next period.

11)To Beetsma for not coming to class.

12)For more bonding between dance ppl during the short 40 minutes.

13)To Jasmine's father for fetching her home.

14)To Wingyi who still remembered and acknowledged me. (she's in NTU!!)

15)For the tutor who reached my place earlier than I did.

16)For the tutor who bitched with me about Xinmin.

Hmm...it's not the end of the day yet, so i hope there might be more!!

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Chao Ah Lian
2. Ah Ngeow
3. Jian Fei

THREE FAVOURITE FOOD:
1. Cheeeken!
2. Oysters
3. all things strawberry

THREE FAVOURITE DRINKS:
1. water
2. all things alcohol (oops...)
3. coffee/tea

THREE THINGS YOU WOULD DO, IF ONLY YOU COULD:
1. Kill anyone I want to and get away with it (first person being za...)
2. Read and control people's minds ( just watched x-men lah, can't blame )
3. Travel the world for free!

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. Me
2. Myself
3. and I !!!!
(muahahahahahaha)

THREE THINGS YOU HATE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. length
2. breadth
3. surface area

THREE THINGS YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND:
1. the world
2. myself
3. you

THREE THINGS THAT ANNOY YOU:
1. you (haha, jk jk)
2. Most technology.
3. I think everything i dun understand

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. Cockroaches ( why did God have to create these things? buden again za was created. yuck.)
2. Having to stand in front of a crowd expecting you to do sth.
3. people who know exactly what i am thinking about ( so far this has hardly happened )

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. money
2. comb
3. pillow

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITES SONGS @ THE MOMENT:
1. Obviously
2. Confessions part II
3. So much for my happy ending

THREE THINGS YOU CAN'T DO:
1. lose weight
2. improve chinese
3. stop sleeping

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. sleep
2. listening to music
3. watching TV

THREE THINGS YOU CAN'T WAIT TO HAVE:
1. unlimited cash
2. a wider social circle
3. a life ( im serious abt this...!!!)

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
1. psychologist / therapist
2. singer
3. queen

THREE COLORS YOU LIKE:
1. orange/pink/ yellow
2. black/ brown
3. blue/purple
(er...basically everything but green. but yet, look at the school im in)

THREE PLACES YOU WOULD GO ON VACATION:
1. around europe
2. around africa
3. north/ south america
( haha...i covered the whole world yet?)

THREE THINGS YOU JUST DID TODAY:
1. go school
2. made a fool of myself
3. listened to linkin park again (actually it's still playing)

I cut my hair!!! I feel very Rory like, though she's a zillion times prettier than me.

I did threading on my eyebrows at Little India today. Gosh, it hurts like hell. I was tearing all the way. Damn, the things people do for beauty.

I hope to go to school with a new image tml. wish me luck.

I have to stay up all night to do PW...what's happening to my life man.

"...you were everything that i wanted. we were meant to be, supposed to be but we lost it. all the memories so close to me just fade away. all this time you were pretending, so much for my happy ending..."

let's get retarded, let's get retarded in here....

A lot of homework arh!!!!!!!
Did the bloody survey at City Hall mrt station yesterday. so horrible, kena rejected by so many ppl. heartbreak sia. haha. but later i got too tired to care. just asked anybody. Can't believe i saw Vi there. he walked too fast for me to catch him and do survey. Idiot. then, after tt, saw Wendy at Orchard. hmm, she still looks almost the same. Still 'wow' for me. Went to cineleisure, wanted to watch mean girls but tix were all sold out. There was this rock band playing outside the building. Frankly, they sucked.

Eh, why am i telling you all these mundane stuff arh?

hmm...the day humanity is tested. Almost everyone passed amazingly. Well, the reason I say almost is cos i didn't. Im full of such negativity. But do you guys really think you can put this behind? Are we really able to move on from here? Will things really be as per normal again? I really doubt it. I can either be evil and treat her with a lot of discrimination or I try to understand her situation and treat her with a lot of pity. But she will suffer either way. I really don't know if I can forget even though I have forgiven...

See, now if we really have this class VCD party thing, she will kinda suspect its because of her (though it's not exactly)and she will feel so awkward and everything...you know, like if we treat her especially nice now, she will be constantly reminded of what she did, right? No? Yes? Comment leh...

Today's session reminds me so much of a linkin park song, figure.09. Goes like this...
"...you've become a part of me. You'll always be my fear. I can't separate myself from what I've done. I've given up a part of me. I've let myself become you..."

okay, i know no link. haha...but the middle sentence was what exactly hamburger man said or tried to tell us to do.

I shall try to accept her again. But, thing is, i never did in the first place.

hai~ well, anyway, i found an answer to my own 'evil taking over the world' question. Basically, after evil has taken over the world, there would be the Matrix and humans are bred.Muahahahaha...eh wait. why would machines want to breed humans? Hmm...

"don't think! You always get a headache when you think!" - Ginger, Daddy's Girls.

okay fine...more linkin park songs which i feel kinda describes this situation now.

"And I’ve got nothing to say. I can’t believe I didn’t fall right down on my face. I was confused looking everywhere only to find that it’s not the way I had imagined it all in my mind. So what am I. What do I have but negativity. Cause I can’t justify the way everyone is looking at me. Nothing to lose. Nothing to gain, hollow and alone. And the fault is my own. And the fault is my own..."


It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It’s so much easier to go
Then face this pain here all alone

Something has been taken from deep inside of me
The secret I’ve kept locked away noone can ever see
wounds so deep they never show
They never go away
Like moving pictures in my head
for years and years they've played

If I could change I would
Take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could stand up and take the blame I would
If I could take all the shame to the grave I would
If I could change I would
Take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could stand up and take the blame I would
I would take all the shame to the grave
It's easier to run replacing this pain with something numb
It’s so much easier to go
Then face all this pain here all alone...

"...Tension is building inside, steadily. Everyone feels so far away from me. Heavy thoughts forcing their way out of me..."

Hey but who am I to say she will feel this way or is feeling this way now? Maybe there will be no troubles at all. You ppl should know by now im just using excuses to put linkin park stuff on my post.

hey i noticed you have much more options now for posts! am i toot or am i toot?

anyway today is racial harmony day. but I'd remember this day as the day i survived peer pressure. Get my point? Im just glad I didn't do anything impulsive and stupid.

kee liang and kee meng are not paying attention in class!! Is it the end of the world already?

Hmm, haven't got much to say actually. been mugging and sleeping the past few days. gosh, i have no life. But its not like school is fun or anything like that.

Just watched View From The Top. what a bimbo show. suits me just fine. I can't believe Gwyenth Paltrow agreed to act in a show like this. So unlike her, i guess.

My brother did something nice for me! like, finally...

Im bummed out. excuse me while i go draw squares in my organiser....

 

yo yo, wassup ppl!! Im crazy again!

Kay, lets see...we have newspaper collection on saturday. i never thought I'd say this but, it was fun!! Guess it depends on who you do it with...(ew, that sounded bad). yah, anyway, my group had qihui, jesslyn, xiting and rachel. Xiting was so damn excited, she made us do cheers a couple times. Can you imagine? cheers for newspaper collections? haha anyway we did a lot of crazy things so i think we bonded quite well. haha. after that we had a sense of great acheivement and spent a while admiring our pile of newspapers. haha.

I told you I wasn't normal.

Bah! Nothing to blog lah...

If I were a planet I would be: Pluto or whichever is the tiniest planet

If I were a sea animal I would be: Nemo! nah...prolly a manta ray

If I were a direction I would be: north (everyone's guiding point. ha.)

If I were a piece of furniture I would be: er...the light? wait...the bed? erm...TV?

If I were a historical figure I would be: Myself

If I were a liquid I would be: Milk

If I were a stone, I would be: stoned haha...a pebble!

If I were a tree, I would be: oak tree

If I were a bird, I would be: Penguin (love 'em!)

If I were a tool, I would be: Chainsaw!! Muahahaha!!

If I were a flower/plant, I would be: a Tulip (somehow my fave flower)

If I were a kind of weather, I would be: the kind before a great storm

If I were a mythical creature, I would be: Unicorn

If I were a musical instrument, I would be: electric guitar

If I were an animal, I would be: a cat!

If I were a color, I would be: somewhere between red and orange

If I were an emotion, I would be: warmth (is there such an emotion?)

If I were a vegetable, I would be : a cabbage-patch kid!

If I were a sound, I would be: so pathetic...hmm, the kind that you make you go deaf.

If I were an element, I would be: Gold or silver. haha.

If I were a car, I would be: a convertible

If I were a song, I would be: topping the charts

If I were a movie, I would be directed by: peter jackson...he's the one famous one i can remember.

If I were a book, I would be written by: Sylvia Plath ( i think that's how you spell it)

If I were a food, I would be: oyster...gosh im hungry...

If I were a place, I would be: the universe!!!!yess!!

If I were a material, I would be: wool...the comfy kind...

If I were a taste, I would be: spicy...not trying to imply anything...

If I were a scent, I would be: allergic to myself...im serious

If I were a religion, I would be: Jewish

If I were a word, I would be: joy, i guess...

If I were an object, I would be: a video cam

If I were a body part I would be: an a**hole...haha...jk...I'll be the cheeks!

If I were a facial expression I would be: relaxed with a slight smile..

If I were a subject in school I would be: rather dead

If I were a cartoon character I would be: donkey from shrek!

If I were a shape I would be: in-shape, hopefully...

My house suddenly has this swarm of invisible mosquitoes sucking me dry and the insecticide doesn't seem to help. Darn...

I recently realised I blog mostly about the unhappy things that happen and i am wondering why. Why don't i blog about the happy stuff? but it seems like nobody, not even myself, will really read it if it was all happy and cheery. This is bad. why do we always concentrate and dwell on the bad things that happen to us? why does the happy things which happen seem so insignificant compared to all the bad stuff? Hmm...this is not good! we should ignore the bad stuff and talk about the good stuff! Concentrate on being happy! next time someone scolds you, heck care! when someone insults you, heck care! Laugh it off! haha this shall be my new philosophy in life: heck care!

Im not making sense again, am I? Anyway I shall talk about the happy stuff that happened to me the past few days.
1)Moderation of JCT results
2)bumping into my pri school classmate ( she made me do her pw survey though)
3)Rain, rain and more rain!
4)I helped in the cooking today and the kitchen didn't get burnt down.
5)No chinese periods in the afternoon beacuse of oral ( my own oral sucked by the way)
6)Made some new friends in school
7)took some time to watch the cats at the void deck with some cat lovers. (what? its relaxing kay...)

yay...see this is good...haha. Not totally free from some bad stuff though.

My brother just pointed his handphone at me and said he will use the radiation to kill me. (???????)

heyyy!!! In school now. donno why i so hyper...its after school now. i should be tired. very tired. the hell am i doing here? okay! end here. have no idea what this entry is for anyway. just crap i suppose. yay! oh ya, saw bucket today. muahahahaha. My tutor cancelled tuition again. pissed. the mutan in my class and pw group ran away from pw meeting again. piece of shit.

tired sia. even after sleeping for about 12 hours. the dance workshops were fun! I shouldn't have skipped the one on friday..sad. No movie watched though, we got scolded instead. but after that the camp went almost smoothly. stayed over with the art students, watching them do their art, giving comments and being a pain in their ass until i was tired. haha. i was so inspired that i went round drawing and painting my own stuff. haha.

Hey Azzah! I found like a stack of great photos of pencil posing probably for his own art research and all. Haha, he looked real good. Very, very good. I almost stole them for you guys to see. Note, almost.

Like i mentioned, the salsa workshop was so fun! We, being chosen as the lead, rotated partners regularly to dance and all. footwork was madness but luckily i didn't manage to trip over myself like i am known to do. I was sorry I said the slasa group which performed for us are old people. They're too good to be commented like that. seriously.

Oh well, Elizabeth is the new president!!yay!! everyone i like or respect are on the committee!! Great! lucky for me, these people like me too.haha. Thankfully none from that horrid Geraldine, Ee shin, Max group got in. ha!! I amost got into a conflict with Geraldine. i will not talk about it. i've been bitching too much about people. But Im just glad she didn't get any silly post.

I got a little teary when we were giving the seniors our gifts and also when they announced their successors one by one for the posts. So sad! they passed other gifts among themselves too. it's really damn sad. they were all crying and hugging in front of us. Min was crying the most.

then we went to bedok central for some ballet performance thing at the carpark. We did some massive bonding within our own group. It was really nice. The club is definitly split into two groups, unlike the seniors who are all so close! Katherine should have been there to bitch with me about that other group.

was dead before I reached home. actually i was dead long ago, not sleeping the whole night and all. i actually slept through much of my listening comprehenion. haha. power, right?

Both Venetia and Charles are no longer in Singapore Idol!!! So sad!!! i wanna cry, man.

yo thought i should blog before going off to my Dance Camp starting tomorrow. It's gonna be fun! Though Raz would not be going...sigh but hey, least there's still Vi. I just love my dance people. we're such a tight group of people, though there are one or two which i can't stand once in a while.

You.piss.me.off. probably the only reason that im still hanging around you is that i have a horrid memory and that most of my friends are your friends. Gosh, why the hell do you ask me to say something then not listen? ask me to say something and when i do, you cut me off- TWICE!!!! when i finally give up trying to say something, you come back to ask me again why am i so quiet? why don't you just go to hell like you've always wanted to? Sometimes i just ask myself why do i bother myself with you. i really have no idea. You make me feel pathetic, make me feel like a loser. Like everything that i feel that is not common to yourself, you just give that bloody expression like its such an offence to feel the way i do. don't you see? you're the weird one here.

just thought i'd say this. i'll probably forget this tomorrow. whatever.

Hey, my brother hasn't insulted or said something bad about me in a really long while!This is good!

Just when i let go, everything disappears. I had expected this. So where do we go from here? Do you even realise what has happened? Do you even care?

I am in a zombie state right now. I may not make sense in what i will say later. buden again i never make much sense so i don't know what im talking about and...im confused.

the goodness of friendster, a way to stalk all your primary, secondary school people and find out what the hell they are up to recently. but im still not going to get one cos michelle did me a favour by using friendster on my computer, thus allowing me to hack into her account as and when i like it. *cheers*

anyway, i was tracking all my primary school peeps and all i can say is wow. like how the hell did they turn out like this? Lydia, Pearly, Amanda, Siobhan etc... the people you'd never expect to turn out this great managed to do so. makes me wonder what the hell i am doing. ha.

nad through all the millions of people i was looking through, i realised that everyone who has a hair colour besides black, HAS the same hair colour. eww. okay people, suggest. do i look better in blue or red or green perhaps?
I'll probably still be in a zombie state at school tml. so er...Beware? bye.

friday. saw siobhan. finally. least she regonised me too. she looked almost exactly the same. still pretty. saw gay couple.holding hands. turned many heads. we cheered for them. ha. think shall blog again later tonight, or rather tomorrow morning. peeps staying over tonight. watch vcds and soccer.

haha just finished watching Moulin Rouge. A wonderful story about truth, beauty, freedom and above all things, LOVE!!! haha, i never get sick of this. It's simply spectacular, spectacular! The ending still makes me cry though...sob`

yo peeps there's this great sale of VCDs at HMV heeren. go check it out! i bought my moulin rouge there at $10.95, About Schimdt at $8.95 and How to lose a guy in 10 days for $4.95 !!! so cheap! [eew i sound like an auntie] okay, shall stop here.

And now I am forced to open another VCD party thing again...so unfair...

yeah, it's over! And now we shall parrty...! celebrate now or we shall never have this chance once our results come out. and guess what? my butt survived it all. my hand, apparantly, didn't. im gonna stay off writing for next couple days.

i just got home from stalking some yr2 dude from our school. we got off at the same stop, and managed to take the same route. when he finally overtook me i decided to follow him. haha. he was practically running and i was chasing behind. passersby must have thought we were a couple who just had a fight or sth. oh well, that was fun. must have scared the hell out of him.

you guys know we were made to use our own foolscap for all our exam papers, right. well, you haven't seen the worst. this happened before my chinese paper started...

chinese cher: students, you don't have to bring foolscap paper with you. it is
provided...
me: wow, really? finally...
clara: what a miracle!
chinese cher:...so, remember to buy one set of foolscap to return your respective chinese
teachers next week, okay? class reps, please remember! One set per class!

the hall practically broke into laughter.'right, i realised they were cheapo but i didn't know they were THAT cheapo.

one particular friend of mine has this other friend who is in a sports cca whose blog contains pictures of her captain. yes, yes its bucket. shucks, this is so unfair. and now i am a frequent visitor to that particular blog.

well, i was studying econs late last night when this thought came to my mind. (watching buffy the vampire slayer contributed too): Why would evil want to take over the world? okay so it takes over the world after some epic battle, kill every good person and then what? start killing each other? or the leader, being the most evil, kills all his followers? so everyone dies except him and then what does he do for the rest of his life?
or evil takes over the world then live in peace with each other? so how are they evil now? wouldn't they be like normal people who existed before they took over the world?

so maybe, just maybe, we ARE actually the evil ones whose ancestors took over the world from the 'really good people' long ago?

haha...make sense? no? haha, why do i think of such nonsense?

i just discovered a new way to call someone a bitch. tell her bh and ask her to say it real fast to herself. haha...or you can just call her a bitch to her face. save the effort.

okay i better go now. my last finger is practically getting disconnected from my right hand. gotta go paste it back. TTFN (haha, go figure this out)anyway i got this TTFN thing from Buffy too. ha.